Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dear blog!

Dear body of mine! I am deeply sorry for using you as an experiment and human trash machine. You did let me know on numerous occasions that you had enough but I refused to listen. And even after all this abuse you are still giving me a chance even though I feel I am running out of time and your patience threshold. Therefore I am really serious this time to do my ver best to treat you with respect and care that you so deserved over the years! I am really grateful to you for being so forgiven!

Dear God I made promise after promise to you and Mom that I kept breaking. I feel terrible about it. Please forgive me and give me strength to do what I know I need to do deep in my heart! Please save me from myself when I am on a wrong path and I need you more then ever! I know you create every human with purpose. I know that you don't create junk so I don't want to turn your creation into junk either. I ate tons and loads of junk over the years but with your guidance and Moms love I can do it!

Dear warriors, I thank you all for supporting me in my times of hardships and not giving up on me!

For the first time in a long time I managed to stay somewhat fully on plan yesterday! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaapy! I threw away my expensive Tanita scale. I mean I placed it visibly in the garbage so someone else may find a more productive use for it. I have wii that I will use from time to time to see where my weight is but I want other markers and most importunely my health to guide me in my journey as far as success goes. Thank you for being here!

I now weight 275 pounds! Horrible!

Yesterday I also found out that my unemployment application was denied which is a huge bummer given the market and amount of bills I have. Fortunately I will move in with my sister while renting my house to keep up with mortgage. It's tough but I wanna learn to cope with emotional pin by not abusing my body with junk. It doesn't help! Only gives you split minute instant gratification but then.......

For the first time in a very long time I was able to turn this bad news into something positive. Oh yeah, I felt weak and lost for a few minutes. Scared, off course. After all I do have an expensive new car lease, a mortgage and few credit cards payments that I must keep up with. I also need to pay for my dentis and health benefits. But I managed to collect myself and use the emotional pain of uncertainties and fear turn into a triumph of victory for at least one day. And if I can do it for one day, I can do it for two! And if I can do it for two I can keep on going until I do it daily in the name of health! It's worth much more then thenother alternative!