In a land of big dreams lies a hidden power of change!

I just went through my old blog entries as well as other journals and realized that for the past 10 years or so I have been living in a body full of blabber that ranged anywhere from 210 to 280 . As a Chinese proverb goes " big stomach is not a sign of overindulgence but a hidden comfort zone for unaccomplished and unrealized dreams and emotions"! Oh wait.... It wasn't exactly a quote or a Chinese proverb although some of it was, but my own interpretation of human obesity, at least for a lot of people. Somehow we learn at a very young age to use food as a safety net or a security blanket. And when we are stressed or sad or angry or lonely we look for that comfort food to make us feel good. Years pass by and not only those bad habits cripple us psychologically , they are also causing our bodies to be metabolically upside down. Soon after a cascade of other problems arrive such as pre diabetes, high blood pressure, joints problems and so on..... But what even worth is that an obese person who followed on that wrong path becomes so emotionally fragile that he or she stops having big dreams! Nobody abuses you without your permission" once Elleonore Rusevelt said. And she was right. But nobody can hurt us more then we can hurt ourselves! And when that happens we become weak and old and stiff both in our bodies and our thinking. La Tzu once said that flexibility is a companion of life whereas stiffness is a companion of death! I noticed that over the past few years I have become more and more emotionally stiff! And I forgot how to dream big!

Today I weight 270 pounds and that is sad! But............ I am awoken again! I dare again to dream big! God doesn't make junk, humans do! For years I lived within my own mind set limitation. I wanna be free again! So help me God!

Copy and paste entry from a month ago! Will I ever change?!

I fell off again and hit the rock bottom yet again stuffing my face in junk. I have been eating my worries away. I don't know how I let it happen so fast. Addiction is a horrible disease. Before I knew it a week pass by , then another one and now I am back to 275 from 260 few weeks ago. I have had a hate and love relationship with my scale. I need to completely disassociate myself from scale and concentrate fully on eating for health. I owe it to myself, my family and my Mom! I promised it to her and she never thought I would deliver. And I didn't when she was still here but I have to do it. I am pushing 40, a very dangerous age for a man. My body was forgiven but how long can it forgive my abuse??? I must change!

Humbled by my inabilites to get back on the proverbial low carb wagon, I am still determined to get it done!

Haven't weighted officially in two weeks, however I still sneaked at my dads manual scales. One of those gigantic ancient one with a big dial and it shows no weight loss. So I am still hovering around 270 or in that range. I haven't binged in this period which is a progress altho a small one. Still a progress and I managed to keep it low carb. But I need to speed my progress. I have been stuck on this weight since I was 2 years old, lol at least it feels that way! I somehow need to dig deep within and find a motivation to take control of my life!

Here is how I plan to accomplish it for the next few days to get the scale moving again!


   
Qty
Unit
Calories

Raw Cauliflower11:41 p.m.
3
cup
72
 
Raw Turnips11:42 p.m.
0.5
cup
18
 
Chicken Breast, Baked (Tyson) ...11:43 p.m.
10
oz
386.9
 
Almond, Raw11:44 p.m.
0.6
oz
98.3
 
Olive Oil (Bertolli)11:46 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
 
Sardine, Maine, Canned In Wate...11:47 p.m.
1.7
oz
130.4
 
Eggs, Whole11:47 p.m.
2
eggs
142
 
On Whey Protein Shake11:48 p.m.
1
tbsp
106.7
 
Harvest Berry, Frozen, Bag, Or...11:49 p.m.
0.5
cup
32.5
 
Coconut Oil (Hain)11:50 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
 
Mid-Morning
   
Qty
Unit
Calories

Lunch
   
Qty
Unit
Calories

Afternoon
   
Qty
Unit
Calories

Dinner
   
Qty
Unit
Calories

Evening
   
Qty
Unit
Calories


Total Calories: 1106.8

Calories 1106.8
Calories from Fat 458.9
Total Fat 51 g
Saturated Fat 11.3 g
Cholesterol 662.1 mg
Sodium 836.7 mg
Carbohydrate 37.9 g
Dietary Fiber 11.5 g
Sugars 15.6 g
Protein 136.8 g
Vitamin A 550.9 UI
Vitamin C 175.2 mg
Calcium 180.6 mg
Iron -2.2 mg