Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Very quick update!

I am going to make it very short. Its hard for me to do since short is not a word I am used to, but today I have no choice. I appologize for not posting any more follow up videos. I have been through a loooooooooot. My body and mind are totally working agianst each other. I have been back to feeling dysfunctional. I did change doctor and he put me on bunch of medications which I am not crazy about. He put me on zoloft, beta blocker valium and acid reducing drug. He diagnosed me with CFS, IBS and panick attacks. I started taking meds but it is not helping. Now I am simply chronickly fatigued, in pain and constipated. I thought diarhea was bad, oh boy! Constipation sucks! As far as food is concerned I havent been eating much. No appetie of late. Oh, one more thing. My friend's wife recently passed away at the age of 34 from cancer. It was simply beyond comprehension. I think the funeral made my body even more freakish. I dont know. But I pledged to stop eating eating after 8 pm in her memory. It had been the hardest thing for me to do, that is stop eating after 8 since I go to bed at around 2 am. But I decided to do it and so far I kept it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Here is my link to my first ever youtube video!

As I pormised long ago, the youtube video is finally done. I cant say I loved the whole experience. It was kind of bizzare and on the run. I only had 10 or so minutes to shoot this video before going to the hospital with my Mom. So it was both spontaneous and nervewrecking. My initial reaction was to delete it immediately. But that would defeat the whole point. I am not perfect and will never create a perfect video. For the longest time I have been attempting to creat a perfect body that I could love and respect to only lose a bigger perspective. I already have a perfect body that I need and must learn to accept, love and respect. I had put it through a lot of trials and tribulations both mentally and physically. Its time to change! So this video is work in progress, lol, to say the least. I am a very open-minded guy and can laugh at myself. I once more realized that looks is not my best attribute, even though I love it the way it is. Its a gift and one day might even give on giving, lol. I will definitely take more videos, better quality and more nutritionally oriented. I have lots of ideas and hopefully it will start taking place sooner than later.

Here is the link, I have no idea how to post the video in here. May be Sadekat can help me out!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Is it the chicken or the egg? Go figure!

Ok, ok I am back. Has anyone missed me yet? I hope so. I do need a hug. I have been a complete and utter emotional mess as of late. My health problems got from bad to worth. My gastrointestinal symptoms that brought along a panick attack like things increased in both time andc intensity to the point where I was forced to take a week off from work. I couldnt handle stress at all. Any stressor weather any situation at work or some other subconscious thought swould bring on unpleasant events. But... the good news is that I dont think it is diet related number one and that I do suffer from anxiety disorder or more like bad panick attacks. I am still going through a lot of tests but preliminary diagnosis is IBS and anxiety with some degree of chronic fatigue syndrome. I was put on Zoloft and valium along with beta-blockers and gas reducing meds. Mind you, I dispise meds. But for the time being I have no choice. I simply cant control my symptoms at least as of yet. And now that my symptoms progressed from once a week to basically every day it is both wise and practical to listen to my doctor. I will be updating my blog more often, hopefully. I did take my first video this morning. I wasnt feeling well and taking this video was the last thing I wanted to do. But I decided to start following through on my promises, plans and resolutions. After I recorded this video I immediately wanted to delete it right away. But I decided to let it be. I am who I am at this moment and I am starting to love me. I have had years of mental abuse. The worst of it I imposed on myself. So this time around I am growing up and part of this process is accepting my body and spirit. There is room for change, lots of it but with God's help and my stubborness and hard work I will accomplish it. Thanks! I hope I can attach this video later.

I am atill at 240 pounds. It is still a looooooot. But I am back on low carb with some room for fruits and occasioanally a very tiny amount of grains. I will keep my fingers crossed. So at this pont I am not sure what provokes my attakcs? Is it the IBS causing panick attack or is it the panick attack causing IBS? I dont know but hope to get rid of them both!