Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I need my balls back!

Ok, this post will be short. I am out of control binge sugarholic! At times it gets so bad that while I am cheating all senses get disconnected. Last night I binged, and I binged and I binged! It was ugly, it was inhumane, it was not necessary and it was freaking baaaaaaaaad! I am getting angry at myself now! I am out of control and seem to be content with it. It alsmost feels like I really dont care. I am winding myself up as I am writing it. I need to get angry, I need to get motivated. I am slowly killing myself! Why is it that I get inspired and motivated to do anything for others that I love and cant do it for me? Why dont I love myself? Why, why, why? There are so many qualities that I like about myself. I really do. Yet, I dont love me! I ate like a pregnant cranky woman. I ate a half cheesecake, two ice cream bars and then I puked. I am getting angry. I am getting fed up! This is not manly! I am a an addict, a food junkie, and a food coward! Where is my manhood, my pride, my dignity? Enouph is enouph! I am getting angry! I will kill that stupid twin in me that has been pissing me off for so long. I am taking today off nutritionally. I need a bit of a break. But I will concur this war! I will kill my demons! I know it! I am getting angry! So many excuses, so little action! I am carnking my ager up! Get angry, Vadim! Stop the madness, stop the madness! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I am getting angry! I need to get angry! I must get angry! I need to man up! I feel like a castrated boy! I lost my balls! I need my balls back! I was a man once! I will become a man again! No excuses, no whinings, no more! Until we meet again!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Can someone knock some sense into me when I am about to go off my plan!

I was having a decent day yesterday both nutritionally and fitness wise. Until night came creeping along. I couldnt find parking for an hour. Thats one of the biggest headacke of living where I live. There are millions of cars and limitted space. Many private parking spots and not lot of public space. I was tired, cranky and hungry. And I drive stick shift too. when i came home I realized my sister was building a new kitchen. She told me before but I forgot. So there was no way to get any food. But I needed to eat, and there was no way I was going to go without it. So I ate what I could find. And it was not pretty. I ate a lot of carbs, but today it is much better. I am still contemplating on what plan to pursue come next week, but I think i will go on a lifestyle change kind of regimen. So there will have to be food that I can live with for long time, hopefully.

Last night I did 11498 steps
Today I did 13000 steps

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A world of a 10,000 steps!

This is for you Jo! I finally bought my new pedometer! Actualy it is my old new pedometer. I had it before but lost it. His name is Omron, and Omron is my new best friend! I am a bit under the weather today, but do not worry I havent lost it completely. Omron is a true friend, because he keeps me in check, he never lies or tells me what I want to hear. He is a Ferrari of all the pedometers out of there, even though he only cost me $30 dollars. Small price to pay for a good buddy! He not only counts every step I take, but also comes with a USB cable so you can transfer all the data onto your computer. He keeps track of steps, distance walked, calories burnt and even translates it into how many fat grams you burn by walking. Then you can set up a neat graph on line and the free software it comes with will entertain and motivate you to even walk more! As far as nutrition goes, it was a decent day too. I managed to behave, even though I havent kept my calories count. I am implementing a new strategy starting today. I finally realized that I must first get to the promised land first, then worry about not having unhealthy or relatively unhealthy snacks. Sustainability is the key to my success and so is planning and counting! I do much better by having lots of choices, therefore freedom in my food selection. And that includes sweets that I still crave. Its much easier to fight my evil addiction being 175 pounds than doing so at 235. So I bought lots of stuff both good and so great. As time passes and I post my menus you will be the judge of my choices. And I am sure you will let me know. I will be very transparent. And I also welocme all commments both good , flatteirng and not so heart warming. I am a big boy in every sense of the word. I am very open minded and open to discussion. I love La Tsu and Daoism. La Tsu called our materialistic world a WORLD OF 10, 000 THINGS. He is still considered a wises man that ever lived, and up to this day noone still knows hwy he called it a world of 10 ooo things! And how coincidental is it that every pedometer recommends to walk 10, 000 steps every day to maintain a healthy life! Go figure! So I will keep walking 10, 000 steps every day from now. Hopefully my diet follows suit, lol, not so sure about that!




Saturday, January 24, 2009

Politically incorrect, naked outlook at life, food and what it all means!

I am back people! Embrace me, scold me, praise me or simply ignore me! I needed a time off to get back to what? I dont know, but back I am! I will not discuss where I was, whats the point. Lets just say it wasnt sexy, desirable or meaningful. It was a self-destructive place, a place of self-discovery and self-indulgence! I will not discuss my food choices, whats the point, its in the past, or is it? At least it is for a moment! I asked so many questions to many so many people! I got so many asnwers from so many people! But in the end its all irrelevant, because answers that I am looking for are within my reach, its a matter of seing them. But do I see them? I dont have the answers, but boy do I have questions? And I will ask you guys few of them today! How many of you are losing weight for health related issues only? I heard so many people lie and say oh yes the reason I diet is to be healthy! Rarely have I met people that truly do, and if they do, weight usually falls off, low carb or not! But many say they do, meanwhile are obsessed with scales. I will rephrase the question. If I had a magical shtick and could make you healthy but fat, would you take it? If I could make you look all nice and muscular and fit without anything jiggle like a jello, unless it was meant to, how many would still weight themselves? I doubt many. So for lots of us weight is not a health issue unless we really are a mess healthwise. For many of us weight is a symptom of a hidden soul troubles. And food becomes a very convenient indulgence to get away from our daily soulsearching. But I have had enouph with being fat! I have had enouph with being self-conscious body image. I want to be FREE! Free from self-pity and low esteem, free from society image of me, free from other people expectations. I need to relearn to love my body, fat or skinny! I have lots more to offer than 6 packs, 32 inch waist or head full of hair! Screw low esteem and screw poor body image! I dont need anti-depressant to feel happy! I didnt need them when I was a little kid! I still have a kid in me, its a matter of removing my ego. So screw ego too! I once dated a girl who had a nice sense of humor. After making love to her, we were laying in bed chatting! I lived in a small studio. She looked around, and said '' OH, AND YOUR APPARTMENT IS SMALL TOO" and started lauphing. But I wasnt lauphing! Funny it wasnt! She kissed me and said " Dont worry, you guys are all the same! And she was right! I was like all other men with low self -esteem. She said " I was joking, your appartment is small and so is your body image but everything else is ok! I kissed her back and said " Its not the size of the appartment, its the size of the owner's heart that matters! But is it? Off course it is, but at times I have to convince myself of that when it comes to me or my self-esteem! So without furhter a due, ladies and gentlemen I am announcing I am back! I dont know what tomorrow will bring, but I am making plans today! I am planning on starting a new lifestyle! I have my new pedometer and I have my new hope with it! I am back people, and happy to do so!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tuesday and too many cherries, damn it!

I was doing good all day long until night came in silently! I had a rouph day at work, too many things to do, too little time! I was like an energizing bunny without the energy! Tough to do. I dont know if it is adaptation period my body is going through or it is still a remnant of the intestinal crams, but I had no energy. It is strange for me, even people at work commented at how more subdued I looked. So when I came home I was really tired. I guess it is only logical to expect my body to rebel after all those heavy carb binges!!! I am getting closer and closer to starting my renewed walking regimen. My pedometer is almost here! I did aome weight lifting work out today earlier in the day. It was short but intensive. And I was quite impressed to being able to lift my old numbers, even thouhg I havent done it for few weeks. It is usually not that easy to return. Today I had an unstoppable appretite, yet managed to keep it relatively low carb until night when I ate liberal amount of cherries!

3 eggs
2 oz goat cheese
2 cans sardines
7 oz roasted beef
1 avocado
3 oz chicken salad
1 bison burger with large tomato and cucumber salad
grinded fresh cranberries sweetened with stevia and devinchi syrup
lots of cherries( love those, but it was way too much, got to stop it)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Monday's jouney!

I have been ill lately! All those post holidays carb binges, and I mean binges took a toll on my intestines and my body overall. I have exeprienced near-syncope at least twice in a week. My stomack has been distended, my intestines spasmatic and my hunger unstoppable. Even last night I felt sick. But..... Good news is I am back on low carb regimen. I made a home made veg soup yesterday and it turned out good, but I will stay away from it for a while. I think all thsoe vegetables, like brocoli and cauliflower didnt ease my already spasmatic intestines. I am still not journeling 100 % so instead I will just list what I atein general terms:

Vegetable soup( brocoli, zuchini, mushrooms, yellow sqyash and a can of sardines in tomato sause), ok may be it wasnt veg suop afterall, lol.

2 Bison burgers

1 protein shake
3 oz of goat cheese

4 eggs
2 cans of sardines
3 oz of chicken salad


Sunday, January 11, 2009

Here is a link to Fat Flush Diet two weeks liver cleanse!

I put an idea out there for fat flush two weeks liver cleanse! Few people asked me about it, here is a link:

Saturday, January 10, 2009

To pug or not to pug! Fruit is out, vegetables is in!

I blew it again! I realized tow things: 1) fruit makes my cravings go throught the roof, so it is out for the time being 2) I cant wait too many hours between meals to go by 3) Harry is right and I must plan ahead 4) I am not getting a pug!

I wanted a pug puppy for teh longest time! This particular dog makes me salivate for getting one when I get to see him. A friend of mine has one. He is a clown, yet does it with a serious face. He loves to eat, a LOOOOOOOOOT! He loves being loved and will do anything to get it and to give it! He is an amazing little fellow! But this a deal! I cant get one! But I will get him only when and if I loose weight and start eating healthy! I thought by getting one I will be happirer. I wont, I will be fatter though. Today my cousin came crashing my house. He is a big time doctor. When I told him I couldnt eat the chocolate and cookies he brought over, he asked me why. I told him I was on a low carb diet! You should have seen his reaction. His voice pitch got higher as though someone castrated him, his eyes widened as though someone castrated him without anethtisia and his whole demeanor changed as thought I performed the castration. He called me all kinds of names! And the funniest one was how can an intelligent guy like you can do something as self-defeating, disease inducing and health destroying lifestile. Then a whole lecture on how people get hurt and have all kinds of vascular and kidney diseases followed. He is my favorite cousin, I love this dude. So we decided to agree to disagree and embarked on watching a football game drinking beer and eating..........shit! So I am off again! I am no goodskiy and no goodskiy is my eating! So goodskiy I need to be! I must start feeding my body instead of feeding my psycho evil fat cells. They are gaining an army of new soldiers, I must stop it immediately! It is getting out of control. I cant afford to get neqw fat cells in my body, if I do it will be impossible to defeat them then. We Russians had a joke back in Russia about ever going to war with Chinese. We decided not to and be their friends because it would be impossible to defeat them. Here is the joke "' By the time you kill the first 100,ooo troops the back rows will reproduce! It is a stupid joke, but back than Chiines population was reproducing so much they had to restrain by only allowing one kid for a family! So if I continue at this rate the joke wiil be on me and my fat cells will reproduce by the time I killthe first thousands of their brothers and sisters! So WAR IT IS AND WHAT TIME IS IT? IT IS A WAR TIME! I MUST CASTRATE MY WEKNESS, CURCUMSIZE MY CRAVINGS AND CULTUIVATE A NEW CULTURE OF WHOLE LOW CARB FOOD! CCC PLAN! CASTRATE, CIRCUMSIZE, CULTIVATE!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Going back to my original low carb my way roots!

The only time that low carb worked for me to perfection was a time that I ate liberal amount of food that I enjoyed. I did eat quite a lot of sugar-free chocolate and it did satisfy my cravings for sweets big time. I did eat plenty of vegetables and low carb fruits, such as berries and grapefruit, and I did lose weight. I was also exercising a lot. All those experiments worked, in a way! No, not in a weight loss department, quite contrary! It porved to me that listening to my body pays off much faster than listening to so called experts! No offence, Mr O carb, no offence Mr Vegetabless or Fruitless! Go with peace! I am reverting back to ME! No more dont eat this or try that! I know what i know and what I know is what my body telling me I know! I know that starchy carbs is a killer for me, it brings on a cascade of horrible concequences! I know that eating high fatty food makes me sick, proven beyound reasonable doubt! I did lose 14 pounds on fat fast, and I almost lost my mind as well. I know that relatively high protein, low carb, and relatively high omega 3 fatty acid consumption along with vegetable and low carb fruits worked for me and the most important I felt great! So I am going back to eggs, fish, chicken, cheese, buttermilk, nuts, vegs and fruits! And that is GOING BACK TO NATURE! MY NATURE! BTW I akways had a question to ask but havent had a chance. Why do so many low carb experts cite inuits and their great experience on 0 carb? Is it universal patented diet across the board? What worked for inuites for thousands of years may be very dangerous for many others! Just because someone follws low carb doesnt preclude them from being fanatical about it,they are just as nuts as those low fat nuts, whats the difference? Have they heard of cultural and enzymnatic differences? I love cold becuase I am Russian in many generations and I strive in cold climate. Does everyone else do too? Ok, enouph of that!

Today I still didnt eat quite as good as I shoul have: 6 eggs- 3 tablespoon of coconut oil- 10 chicken links- 3 oz of goat cheese- 3 cups of cottage cheese with stevia- 1 cup of mixed berries!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Where does love reside? Who am I, what is it all about?

A friend of mine asked me today whats the purpose of life if there is no purpose? I thought it was me but he is married with children! I thought just by virute of having a happy family makes one a happy puppy! I thought if you love therefore you are! I guess what seems like happiness for one man is an illusion for another! I always insisted on everyone having a purpose, its just a matter finding one! It goes same for love! And lately I had to remind myself of that too. So my lifes purpose is to live and find it! So Vadim is ready for the mission of finding purpose and love! I am not yet ready for the menu posts yet, even though today was by far the best behaved day in few weeks. I am just going to list foods that I ate without counts. I need to step into the low carb world slowly and wisely. I have struggled with extreames all my life. i cant just head in full force into low carb waters yet, my body will rebel!

Today I ate: 3 whey protein shakes made with coconut milk and almond water along with sugar-free Devinchi caramel syrip; 2 eggs fried in coconut oil with 3 oz of chicken; 2.5 oz goat cheese; 30 or so cherries; immitation salad with mayo:

Here is something for you to read and think about:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks went down easy. He
didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes,... the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table with a single rose.

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner
of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make
you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast,
hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, 'What happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out t of your mind. You fell over
the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and
got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order
and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table?'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT!.. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, And when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table $400.00
Hot Breakfast $8.00
Two Aspirins $. 40
Saying the right thing, at the right time. PRICELESS

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first admittion! Am I ready to start walking again?!

I have so much to say, so many things to cover. However I had a very, very, very rouph couples of weeks. I did fall off completely from the low carb and self -medicated myself by indulging in enormous amount of food. I am still not completely over my issues but I am finally ready to see a professional counceler. I recently passed out at my place of work and was hospitalized for few days. I ate a big bowl of eggplant parmagen with a big double layer chocolate cake and drank two glasses of diet pepsi. Two hours later I had intestinal spasm, a heart rate of 210 and ended up in ER unconscious. Thats the bad news. The good news is that I was given a relative clean bill of health. So I am starting again slowly tomorrow. Thanks everyone!