Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Another challenge??????? What? Are you crazy?

Yes, I am challenging myself again! I have failed at challenges and if you havent noticed yet, I am still doing them. Why? Its a long story and I will explain one day. But today..... Today is another day and another challenge. And someone is joining me in this ordeal! Yes, my fellow blogger Sadekat is jumping on board with me to finish or start two weeks of Dr Eades 6 weeks cure! I have tried it few times and each time I failed! So this is another time but with a more exciting twist! So here we go again! Blogger vs Blogger, Man vs Woman, East coast vs West coast! Who will it be? Sadekat, you are on girl! But in the end its all love in here so we are doing it for love! We are doing it for love of our bodies and for love of our weaknesses. As one wise man once said: where would one be has he not had weaknesses? Bring it on, bring it on!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

How come are you still single?

It might be a bit off subject, but then again it is not. Because the very subject of this blog is to grow, learn and accept. What is a weight loss without finding oursleves? Is the weight loss a simple manifestation of something else going on? May be much deeper than we are, something on a level that a naked eye cant see or the ego cant understand? I think it is! We go on diets, we get off of them. Then we change it to the word lifestly thinking it might be the lifesaving technique. But it is isnt until we learn who we are and where we should be and how to get there and finally accept and love who we are not who we think we should be or who others want us to become. One man smartly said that what other people think of you is non of your business! I love that saying! So going back to original question " How come am I still single?' My ex asked me that very question tonight after I spent 3 hours on the phone consoling her. She is an extraordinary girl and I have dated her for 4 years which was an all time record. Mind you, she hasnt been with anyone for more than 6 months in all of her 110 years, lol, kidding 35 years! So despite our tremendous differences I still stuck by her until day it had become obvious we werent going to make it as a couple. But I did everything I could to save our relationship and make something of it that it wasnt. Ok, fast forward to today. She has been dating another guy, who is a lawyer by trade and makes a lot of money just as she does. She is a financial investor on Wall Stree. That was a big issue between us, she could never accept my satisfaction with my job. But I could care less. I was who I was and wasnt going to budge it. She thought I was a philosopher whos idea of happiness was sitting by the fire watching the stars and play my guitar, and she was right. Our values were day and night. She was way too materialistic or me and I was way too spiritual for her. Fast forward to today. She called me and I asked me a question " why, despite of all I ever wanted, I am still depressed and feel empty? I off course joked first and said that it was because she was missing me. But coming to my senses i responded that may be thats not what she wanted, but thought so because others instilled it in her. We had a long conversation and she finally said " Ok, if you are so special as you are, how come you are still single? I paused and than told her a story that I once heard my mother tell me. There was a rich, intelligent man whos looks and charms left no woman indiffrent. He was perfect, one woman said, he is so rich another whispered and he is so darn sexy third one exclaimed! He was passing alone and one of them asked him " Sir with all your attrbutes how come are you still single? Well, started the man, all my life I was looking for a perfect woman. And I eventually found her! We stayed together for a while and she left me! Left you, how is that possible? Because she was looking for a PERFECT MAN! So in this story my mother once told me, lies a lot of wisdom. At times we look for a perfect mate, a perfect job or a perfect diet when in reality there is none. Life itself is not perfect and thankfully so. Once I heard that the most expensive things in life are our mistakes! But it could also be a blessing! So may be when we stop looking for perfection around us and in ourself we will trully find happiness! BTW I blew my 6 weeks again, si I am taking a bit of a break to regroup! No regrets, no sorry for myself feeling, just acceptance. I am accepting who I am, good and bad, because I am who I am and who I am is a creation of a perfect being! So until we meet again, Thank you and God bless you!

P.S. My mother is and will always be my best friend, my mentor and my ideal model of a woman! And not because she is my mother but because she is trully a special and unique woman. She has always been just, brave and loving! I have never remember my mother putting me down or not believing in me. Yes, she scolded me and yes she put me in my place, but she would always remind me that she loves me and she will always cheer me on as long as I am doing the right thing. And the right thing she said is in your hearts already! Love you mom and may God keep you around for many, many years because you are just that special!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Back to square one!

I had a rough week recently and did slip off the plan. My Mother had a setback with her chemotherapy and was not tolerating new chemo very well. It put a lot of stress on me and my sister to see her suffer so much. For all of you who dont know my mother is going through a lot. She has been diagnosed with metastasized colon cancer, probably 4 st stage with possible spread to the lungs. She does have a huge mass in the liver. She had a surgery to implant a pump through her hepatic artery to feed chemo directly to the tumor cite. But she developed some post surgery complications and it took her much longer to recover. Then her surgeon came out and told me that if chemo doesnt work she has only few motnhs to live. That was sucha bummer considering how much my mom means to me. She has always been my best friend and life without her is like living without a sun! But I will not let this tumor get her donw and we will fight it to the best of both of our abilities. Its easier said than done and it is much more difficult for her than all of us. So recently her oncologist added another chemo drug that made her feel so lousy she needed hoospitalization. But again we will do our very best and I am ever so hopeful she can come out of it! Unfortunately that took some toll on my diet again. Off course it would be an excuse and i would never even think of using my failures on my mom's sickness. Life happens to all of us and it is our determintation and resolve that seperates loosers from winners and men from boys. So I havent grown up yet as far as this challenge goes. That being said i am not giving up! Back to square one and today was my first day being back on 6 weeks cure challenge! it was tough as I am still struggling to keep my emotional eating in check and my physilogical hunger at night. But its one day at a time!

1 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia

5 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia

10 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia

12 am- 2 eggs and 3 beef hot dogs

Friday, September 18, 2009

Energizer bunny you say, ha ha ha I can beat him to the curb today!

I am on day 1 of 6 weeks cure! Yeahhhhhhhh! So far so good, shhhhhhhhhhhh! Dont wake up my demons while they are asleep! I hope and pray they are gone but if not at least went harbination so I can have my peace for at least two weeks and finish this cruel challenge that I started a year ago. Today was a strange day indeed! I havent had a good night sleep today or last night or last year or, well, you get the picture! I joined and decided to teste drive few cars. I have already driven BMW 328 i which was cool. But I would never buy it. Lots of power, yes, lots of prestige, yes. But lots of money and unnecessary emitions. So no to BMW! Then I test drove few others including Scion XB; Toyota prius and mini. The verdict is in! I would have never thought in a million years it would be this car but it stole my heart! Here we go, lets the drum beat..........Toyota prius! Loved it! There is something about it that made me ticklish and at 50 MPG how can you not feel orgazmic. Plus going green too! Ok, back to the nutrition. I felt ok, a bit hungry at night, what else is new but managable. I only drank two shakes though. Hopefully tomorrow I will start 100 percent on the plan. Bad news I gained 7 pounds being a bad boy lately and pigging out but good news is that I only gained 7 pounds piggin out and being a bad boy! So now I am now back to 230, actually I was 235 so I am still down 5 pounds!

12 pm- 3 eggs omelette with slice of tomato, a tsp olive oil and a can of trout in oil and vinegar!

5 pm- 2 scoops of chocolate peanut butter whey protein with water and stevia. ( didnt have any cream at work)

9 pm- same as 5 pm.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Oh boy Oh boy! Insanity, Insanity is knocking on my door again!

I dont know what to do at this point. I failed miserably again. And this time not only did I get off the protein shake plan, I went off the low carb period. I did eat cookies, bread and other junk. And in all in all gained 8 pounds in the process. One thing I do know at this point is that I cant get emotional about it. I will instead keep analizing my mistakes and see what the culprits are and how to correct them. Last night I was desperate and was contemplating on quiting. I really thought about putting the end, throw the white flag and admit I just cant do it at this point. I still might, but not yet. I know its all psychological. But it has been long time coming and I must concur it. Dr Mike new plan asks for only two weeks sucrifice before embarking on 4 weeks of all you can eat meat part. So its only two weeks of endurance, liver cleansing and calorie restrictions. But boy oh boy is it tough. And the toughest part of me is not actually restricting cals but restricitng my reaction every time I deviate a bit. Every time I eat something extra even though its low carb I feel like the biggest failure and just go off alltogether. Thats the hardest part for me. I must do things 100 percent as prescribed or else I feel like the weakest and most failed person. I know its the head thing and I might admit at this point I might have a bit of obsesive-compulsive behaviour. But there has to be a way to just do it! And I am still looking. But what I leanrnt so far is that even if I do fail again I wont go off low carb. No way, it is just way too taxing on my body. I will just eat low carb instead. But for now the show must go on!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Attempt # 7 was no different than previous 6! It came to an early demise! Attempt #8 is coming up tomorrow!

Ok, it was over before it even bagun. Fine! I did manage to screw it up royally this time! But not to worry, I am not upset or delusional about it. I know how to tweak it now or at least I believe I do. My problem is not that I cant sustain it, my problem is night eating. I am pretty much back to my crazy night shifts. I am running around like a rooster without a head all day long, so eating and overeating is not a problem. And protein shakes work perfectly. They are both convenient and satisfying. The problem arises at night again when I hit the comfy demain of my bedroom. My cat jumps on me, I turn on my favorite sitcome and I am relaxed. Then when hunger hits me, raising its ugly head, tickling my mind and saying " Hey fat boy, its me again, your hunger. Get up and feed me and you know there is no way you can say no! I neeeeeeeed to learn how to say NO to hunger! I am a perfectinist by nature, its eather 100 percent effort to a T or all hell breaks loose and hold me if you can or hide the food! I cant believe I am still even talking about my demons. So the only effective way I know how to combat it was to eat liberally and eat when hungry. That meant success. I wouldnt eat much in a day time, but would something at night, not a lot just enough. And now that I cant eat what I want makes me rebelious on subconscious level. So here is a plan! I will go at it again and again and again until I succeed. End of story!

Monday, September 14, 2009

What is it about restricitons that brings about defiance?

Ok, I have decided to proceed with two weeks of protein shakes and one meal plan. I knew going in it was going to be tough. If it wasnt I would have been able to complete it by now. I have tried it numerous times to no avail. Each and every time it was a psychological struggle much more than a physical one. I naturally do not like restriciton! And anything that restricts my freedom, be it nutrition wise or anyhting else, makes me resist it on subconscious level. One of the most attractive feature of the low carb lifestyle is an ability to eat liberally without counting calories. And it gives you freedom. Yes, from time to time we need to vary even the low carb lifestyle, but as far as eating to satisfaction, there is no problem there. Protein shakes and one meal plan as described in Dr Eades new book is both challenging and rewarding! But boy is it tough! And I went off the low carb few days before allowing myslef to eat food that I knew wasnt good for me. Low carb is a prescribed philosophy and it is a lifestyle. There is no need for us to get off of it in order to cheat. But going on a more restricted two weeks of protein shakes makes my subconscious mind rebel. And it does rebel by wanting to eat junk in anticipation of upcoming punishment.Therefore I dont believe in protein shakes only, at least for long term. The whole reason low carb is successful for people like me is that I dont have to restrict myself calories wise. So with Gods help and my resolve I will be finishing these two next week of an old challenge so I can have some closure! It has been way too personal! I finished day one today! First day, first check. I wanted to videotype my journey but will not be able to do it due to lack of time and quite frankly lack of energy. By the time I come home I dont have it in me to videotape it. But I will eventually get to it as promised!

3 protein shakes
2 turkey hot dogs
2 tablesppons avocado

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I am back!

I am totally back! This Sunday should be the day when I totally retry my protein shake and one meal plan again. Who would have thought that my plan which was the whole theme of this blog would be the exact plan Dr Eades created for his first two weeks in his new book. I mean its that much similar! So if I was doubtful even a week ago about giving it another shot, I am no more. I am giving it another shot! And this time it should be on video tube like youtube to document it every day, struggles and all! I have no illusion about it. It will be tough, it will be boring, and it will be long. But the most important thing to know that it Will Be! I am back baby, so do not try to stop me now! And to my dear female friend who thought men are weaker, I say loud and clear again " No female will ever beat in any competitive activity, diet or not! The only thing they will ever beat me in is diaper changing, an art of seduction and thats about it! So there I said it women, deal with it! I am baaaaaaaack!

Friday, September 4, 2009

What is a man to do?

To do or not to do, that is a question of the day! Well, as you all know, all 3 of my followers, I challenged myself at least 5 times to finish a program composed of 5 protein shakes and one wholesome meal. To my own dismay and to others as well, that program came to early demise and each and every time. Until one day I decided to man up and quit. Yes, it is manly at times to just admit your faults and weaknesses and throw in a towel! All was nice and dandy until one day an evil female friend of mine happened to read my blog. She decided I was way too weak and knowing my never ending competetive nature decided to challenge me. And she did. She embarked on my own program, yes created by me, organized by me and finished it with flying colors loosing around 25 pounds within 4 weeks peroid. Not only did she successfully completed it but also started to get under my skin by rubbing it in my face. I was holding up just fine, ok almost fine. I kept insisting that I grew up and I am not a teenager any more. But........... not all is well in Vadim's nutritional Kingdom any more. I cant sleep well knowing that a woman beat me! I am in no way, shape or form a sexist, but I dont believe in loosing to a woman in anything! Here you go I said it. The only field a woman should be able to beat me is kneeding, diaper changing and seducing! Other then that I am a man who doesnt take loosing lightly especially from females. So here is my dilemma! What would be a more manly thing to do? Should I just grow up and admit she beat me to the curb or should I rise above my weakness and take one for a men team and prove to my best friend that this man will beat any woman in any comptetetive sport given same conditions. Please advice!