Friday, December 24, 2010

Can one have a cake and eat it too?!

Ok, this may sound unrealistic but according to the author of the book the Alternate Day Diet, Dr Johnson, it's not only possible but preferable. I stumbled upon this book by reading one of the comments left by none other then pooti on a Jimmy Moore food blog. She highly recommended this book. Upon further investigation I discovered that pooti lost a lot of weight following this program. I remember how strict and religious she was about low carb regimen to a point where she followed almost zero carb lifestyle and yet saw no results. I was intrigued to have found out how well she is doing on CRON type of diet which si
y stands for calorie restriction optimum nutrition. I just finished reading the book and it makes so much sense. d
Dr Johnson readjusted the calorie restriction plan to fit his own lifestyle and it worked like a manic for him and his many clients. The premise of this plan is simple: one alternates between no limit food consumption one day to be followed by a very low calorie consu
prion the next. My favorite book on diet of all time is Okinawa diet. I was also fascinated with Okinawian lifestyle. If you haven't read about these amazing people I highly recommend you do so. They are the longest living human species with the most centerians per capital in the world with no nursing homes for elders, their culture doesn't allow it. I am itching to give this lifestyle a big fat effort. I am being realistic though, I have before with mixed results. However I will never quit and I have this eternal belief that one day I will find the way. I am now at 285 pounds and I got there by being so irresponsible to my body that it would take a long time to write, may be one day I ll recount it just so I can visibly see how much junk I fed my own self. Self-destructive behavior at it's worst. So are you ready to join the calorie restriction society, Jimmy Moore once asked? He gave the resounding no answer, however all weight loss diets must operate on that premise and there is more and more evidence that longevity and health are as well. Yes, low carb may indeed have an upper hand in controlling hunger better but in the end it's still lower calorie consumption to be successful. So I say a resounding yes to Dr Johnson and hopefully once again I ll be roaming my own self induced destructive behavior world or...... Or I may find that this time it's all going to be different and I will have found the way!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Humbled by own failures I am still determined to fight for the WAY!

It has been one rough year. I gained enormous amount of weight and currently weigh 285 pounds. I can site many reasons why I got to that point but I would rather concentrate on why not I lost as I was planning. I failed to care and everyday was becoming more and more disenchanted with my own body thinking that tomorrow is a new beginning. But it never arrived. Tomorrow did, but new beginning didnt. Medifast become way too much to handle and complimenting it with low carb meals became too hard to swallow because of my pride. I so wanted to succeed on Medifast, after all others did. But every time something would impinge my effort and I went on a horrific binge. I ate so much junk in the past months that listing it would be a crime against human imagination so I will spare the details. Just imagine your own worst binging memories and multiply it by few folds and you will start approaching my recent reality of the past months. However this post is not about the past, its about the future. I still dont how to proceed. But I will take it one decision, one meal at a time and see what happens. I still have lots of medifast meals left so I will continue consuming them and hopefully complimenting them with low carb/ paleo meals as I once planned. So help me God!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

If I woke up happy I didnt wake up yet! My demons are widely awake now!

No excuses! I blew it again big time! I was doing great for a few days and..... Thank you guys for your support! Harry wrote something that made so much sense the other day. He said instead of taking it one day at a time just take it one decision at a time. Its a perfect strategy and a winning one. I hope one of these days I will concur my weaknesses and addictions and use them as just bad experiences!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Shishhhhhhhh! Can it really be happening?

Today is my day 2 on Medifast plan agaaaaaaain! So after all these miserable failures I have survived day 1! And it wasnt bad. It seems like my emotional demons went to sleep at least for a day. It wasnt easy but it was managable. I planned my meals ahead and ended up having my last meal at 8 pm. I spent yesterday in the Pocono mountains in PA where I recently purchased a land and a trailer in a wonderful eagle Lake community. Its simply a getaway place from NYC on weekends into the wilderness of nature. There is plenty of beuaty to go around with falling automn leafs and fresh crispy air. So after having a last meal for the day at 8 pm I headed to Mohegan Sun casino and spent about 4 hours gambling. I was loosing in the beginning but then hit $500 and got my money back plus some. By the time I went home at about 2 am I was very hungry but went to bed and called it a day. So for the first time in a very loooooooooooong time I did manage to make it one perfect day on plan. Today is day 2 and is definitely tougher. I probably entered mild ketosis and I have a bad headacke. Day 3 which is tomorrow is supposed to be the hardest, but for now its day 2! it seems like my emotional demons are at bay, at least now at the moment so shishhhhh dont wake them up! But in the very least it gives me hope. If I did it for a day I can do it for another and another and another.......

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

When you are in ahole, why dig further or why I need to learn how to close the loop!

I failed. Again?! Again, you ask?! Yes, again! I had an emotional episode and boom..... I binged. So after I binged, I felt guilty. After I felt guilty I felt weak and menless and when I felt that I binged again. So I ended up in a big hole, a dark one with feeling of shame, no will power and low self-esteem. While I was laying in that hole I got hungry. So I ate again, binging that is! So after I was done with self-pity and feeling hopeless I got angry. So somewhere between feeling hopeless and angry a plan was born. I just need to learn how to close the loop when I get off the plan, thats all. So instead of All or Nothing attitude I must learn that failing is a part of being human and that success is just another side of failing and that without failures growth is impossible. So yes I failedtime and time again but.... But I am up again and dreaming. Dreaming that I can concur my demons and find the way to a happier, more balanced life and me!

Today I am starting over the Medifast plan. I am planning on having 5 medifast meals during the day and one lean and green meal at night exactly as the plan describes. However my demons come out mostly at night when I go home from a long day watching TV. So if that happens I will just succumb to healthier choices like protein beef jerky or eggs or nuts. I am 272 pounds which is so unacceptable. Plus lately I have been feeling fatigued all the time and my stomack issues arosed again.

But my next biggest challenge is not to weight myself for at least a week, NO MATTER WHAT< SUCCESS OR FAILURES! So starting today I just want to eat and eat for physilological reasons rather then emotional. Thats my plan!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"Patient:oh at least I dont have Cancer!

I went to my family physician today and the whole conversation was very uncomftable from a get go. Not only he scolded me for gaining 30 pounds since the las visit which is fine but practically gave me an ultimatum. Comply with me or get out! Are you serious?! What a bully! Even a year ago I would simply let him have it and storm out, after all I am paying him not the other way around. But today I just took it all in and listened. After all I deserved it. He said at my 38 years old I shouldnt be anywhere near so many symptoms. My blood pressure was 140 over 90 which is unusual even for my weight since my BP rarely goes above 120. I guess it could be the white coat syndrome. He didnt want to hear me and told me to start taking Metoprolol every day which is both a BP medication and a beta blocker causing adrenalin blocking effect. So it could also help out with my emotional issues. He also prescribed bunch of heavy duty antibiotics for H.pylori which I inciently found. He also prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety and IBS. I was like, wait a minute dude I aint taking so many pills. And thats when he lost his cool telling me I am stubborn, fat and know it all. I was shocked, he literally said it just like that. But it doesnt bother me. What I have been doing to my own body is far worth then his words. I created a bed in which I am sleeping. yes, may be he had no right to demean me andf be so harsh, but I dont care about political correctness. I want to get better. Currently its just a big mess I got myself in. To be continued......

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Oh my! I am soooooooooooooooooo insanely stubborn! Back to square 1 agaaaaaain!

As I was laying in my bed watching TV there it was staring at me. I could ignore it, I could turn the other way, but I didnt. There it was a whole unused box of Medifast foods. All I kept thinking was I cant believe spending more then a thousands dollars to gain somewhat of 50 pounds. I tried and tried and failed and failed. This plan has great reviews, people who persevere with it all swear by it. So why couldnt I just suck it out I kept saying? And the more I kept analizing my former challenges and all those failures the more I kept thinking what October said, that is wasnt my willpower or lack of discipline. It was all my emotional demons. And this morning I got up having a new compromised plan in mind. And I will call it An October plan! First, because its October who suggested it and second because October is around the corner and why not make a special month, a month of a new beginning a month of more sanity rather then that thing that you keep doing it expecting different results. I will compromise and instead of trying to fail I will eat to win. I will be using my Medifast meals 5 times like I am supposed to on Medifast plan but instead of having one additional meal and no snacks I will have no limitation on additional meals or snacks but will keep them low carb. So instead of coming home with a ravenous hunger and trying to keep at bay I will have a low carb meal and a snack to keep my demons happy yet not binging thinking I failed. And hopefully it will bring me back to sanity and move my weight down. I am currently at 270 pounds. Its simply unbelievable!!! But unlike Jimmy Moore I have only me to blame. I got to this weight by eating enormous amounts of bad carbs and fast food meals. I must stop this insane dead end subconscious subotaging where I need to be perfect. Every bite of food off the plan turned out to be an extra 2000 calories of junk food simply because I had an extra bite. I will be posting more often if people are still reading, lol.

Monday, September 20, 2010

You never know what a new tide will bring! A tide that came today!

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur had all but zoomed by and even though I am not a religious person, I consider myself a spiritula guy. I know, I know for some its very confusing consept. But for me its not. If an allien descended on earth and you would have to explain to him why there are so many religions and how to chose a right one, it would not be simple. By the way an allien can also be a woman, lol, I just realized that! But for me its simple! Be kind, be forgiven, be compassionate and love the gift of life behaving in a such a way that you make this earth a better place or help those who need it as much as you can. I may not follow the scripture but I follow my heart and soul! I believe in human soul even though we may not see, feel or touch it. There is a anecdote about that. One cardiac surgeoun is arguing with a rabbi. He tells him, listen I have been operating on many humans and I am yet to see a soul there! On which another doctor, defending the rabbi sais: listen, I am a brain surgeon and have been operating on human brains all my life and I am yet to see a mind! So not to make it very deep or long, lol I just finished observing Yom Kippur which is considered the holiest day of the Jewish calendar year. Its a day of repentance a day on which God decides your fate for the following year. Many Jews greet each other by saying May you be entered in a book of Life" on this day. But for me its a day of fast, a day of spiritual observance. I usually think about my passed relatives who lived before me and this year i thought about few young people who passed at such a young age. On this day one is supposed to abstain from any food , water or work for a period of 25 hours. I have been observing this fast for many years now but this year given the circumstances and my inability to stick with any plan or eat sensible for more then few hours I had my doubts. But if anything else I wanted to see if I could stick to a plan given its meaning. Once I couldnt be selfish and satisfy my demons. Once it had to be about something bigger then myself or my excuses or my weaknesses. It was more then instant gratification or self-medication by food. It was simply a day of inner peace and tranquility a day of soul search and cleansing so to speak. And little did I know that it was going to be that easy. Yes, i did have occasional hunger panges but it was not even a thought in my mind to eat or drink. I did it and it was easy , a 25 hours fast without water or food! And the most important lesson I learnt once more is that its so much easier for me to serve or to stick to something for others then do it for myself. Or so I thought. The fast was over at 8 pm Saturday. I spent this day in deep Pocono mountains with my sister and my brother in law as well as my Mom and Dad. My Mom kept saying how enormously big I had become and my sister kept screaming at me every time I lifted my shirt saying I looked like a person on TV on that Biggest Loser show. When we finished fasting, everyone had a nice dinner by having BBQ chicken wings on an open fire. And I thought, ok this is the beginning of my new chapter a new life, one without resorting to junk food as my healing and emotional friend. But soon enough I found mysef weak for a peace of donught that my siter was eating and a sppon of ice cream that my father ate. And before I knew it, I was binging again! Ice cream, bagels with cream cheese, more ice cream, sandwithces with cheese followed by more ice cream. Next day my Mom was crying secretly on a couch. She had deteriated and lost so much weight that she doesnt look herself. Her chemo is not working and her extensive advanced tumor is now growing again. She has been through so much from chemo to chemo, from surgery to another surgery. From radiation tehrapy to more chemo. For the past year since she was diagnosed she has been in hell and back but through it all she remained the strongest and best woman I have ever seen. She remained a wife an mother and a freind. She still cooked even though I gave her hard times about it. She wanted my father who is sick himslef to be fed. So through all these trials and tribulations she kept her spirits up and her resolve strong. She never cried my Mom in open. But last night she was in so much pain that tears just rolled down her fragile body. I couldnt deal with it and broke down too. I love my mom so much and am not ready to lose her. She has been the backbone of our family and she has been my freind. Seing her so weak and hopeless made me vulnerable and at times too weak. I cant even imagine how much she suffers and how much she hates being in this condition. Some days she catn even make it out of bed! And she hates me gaining weight. She wants me to be fit and healthy! And there were so many times I pomised and swore to myself that I will do it , if not for myself then for my mom's sake. And the more I promises the more I failed, the more my self-esteem and my confidence shattered. I was simply a failure on so many levels at subconscious level. And the way I compensated was by eating and eating and eating and eating more! It wasnt that I was husngy. I was simply crying from inside out and junk food was a freind, even though we all know how dillusional that line of thinking is. So today is Monday and no more pormises. Its a new day, a new beginning. And now weighting at 270 pounds its a new challenge for my body. I am surrounded by so much of food every day and today was no exception. While I was munching on Medifast oatmeal and portein shake my coworkers were having chinese food left over from all these meeting we have here at then Student Life Departmetn I work for. The another meeting ended and there were pizza and chicken quazadia. Or how much I love that! But for one day I said no to all food except my own. And for one day I won. I dont know how long it will last or what tomorrow will bring but today and today only its a new tide and tomorrow is a new one and I dont know what it'll bring. But I pray it lasts, the tide that came today!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Does a rock bottom have a dimension?

I thought I hit the rock bottom few weeks ago. But I am continuing my free fall as my weight had plummeted all the way to 265 pounds. I dont even know what to say any more. But I know one thing and that it can still be a learning lesson somehow. I did attempt to go back to low carb, oh I did. But the symptoms were intolerable and I cant seem to do it half way. Its either I go fully or I dont and binge. In any case this is a good time to just sit back and contemplate on why I am where I am and most importangly how to get out of this dark place. I still believe though that one day it will happen. Thanks for still being there, I know few people still check this blog lol and I do appreciate it!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Back to the nature for solutions!

more then $1200 later and weight gain I am back to where I started. Medifast is a wonderful program, however after so many tries I officially call it quits! I just couldnt stick to it. It might be a combination of things, but then again in the end it all came out to inability to sustain hunger. I am going through a lot emotionally but if I earned a dollar for every time I used it as excuse I am pretty sure money would be no problem in my life at all. I have been so rediculously irresponsible with my food selection it is not even worth mentioning it. Worst binges of my life, basically I just caved in to feeding my inner devils with pure junk. I would consume upwards of 5 ice creams daily along with nightly MCdonalds and other crap. So I am back at 260 pounds. Its a lot of weight to be carrying around! I still have lots of medifast boxes left over so I am still debating if I should sell it on ebay or just use it along with paleo style diet that works for me. I am going back to low carb as it is the only feasible way for me to at least stay where I am. My goal for the foreseebla future to relearn feeding my body with good , natural food to be satisfied. Thats the plan!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday, a new day! Will I make it pass Thursday this time?!

I had a bad ass weekend. I woke up all fatigued on Saturday morning feeling like a 95 year in a 127 years old body. On top of everything else my scale was playing with me too. I just lost it. Kept eating the worst junk on a planet earth! Went back to bed! Woke up later Saturday afternoon, felt like earlier was actually heaven. Couldnt move out of bed, everything hurt! Even my tongue! So I ate the worst junk again. Felt asleep, woke up later that evening and felt like 127 years old in a 295 years old body. Then came Sunday, felt a bit better! Today is Monday, feeling better. The cold residual effect is still there. But I am back on Medifast, hopefully I can at least make it pass day 4 which seems to be a cursed mark. Then again, I dont stress it. I believe!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Had a fight with my boss, got emotional and fell off the plan afaaaaain! But not to worry, it wasnt all that bad!

I want to share an email I sent one of my supervisors after having a verbal disagreement with her at work. I got emotuional since she kept telling me I dont respect women. And this is an email I sent her. As far as my medifast goes, I slipped again. But I still managed to eat semi-helathy low carb with a few more rasberries than I would have wanted. But all in all it wasnt that bad!

Meg, thank you for your response. I am sorry it took me this long to get back to you. I had a revelation today and I believe it might change my life for the better. When I read your response last night it made me stop and think hard and long! I think the key word in your email was the phrase for the 100 th time! Albert Einstein once famously defined insanity as doing same thing over and over and over expecting different outcome. Knowing I am not insane, it had to be something else that makes me stubborn and resistant to change. I took a long walk this morning before heading over to the medical comittee for my accident. And all I kept thinking was how come I am reluctant to do what I was told to do. And it hit me at that moment! It was an enlightment! All this time I was listening to you without hearing you. There is a big difference! i know I respect you, I know I know you are 100 times wiser than me when it comes to administrative tasks. So why am I not hearing you I kept asking it? And thats when it hit me. Was it that I do have a problem with women being in charge? I kept denying. No way, I said! I love women, I hold women in highest regard!!! I know you told me I do have a problem with women and I know I kept dismissing that notion with all my might. I even got defensive and upset when you mentioned it. And thats a clue right there. Whenver I get defensive and emotional about something it is a red flag that I might be afraid to admit my wrongs! Its kind of a defensive mechanism. But why do I need this mechanism? Why is it I cant just accept that I may not be adequate in certain areas and need improvement? And the more I kept analizing and scrutinizing it the more I understood that it was all about control. I was afraid to let a woman being in control. It was on subconscious level. Consciously I was denying it, but you cant deny subconscious mind. I remember back in my psychology class I was told tha every time you want to check whats on your subconscious mind all you have to do is to just suspend thinking process. In other words just shut off logic and let your mind come up with the first thing once given a word. Its called association or free floating exercise. So I found a quite place under a tree, took a deep breath and suspended my logic and thinking. I let it go trusting this exercise without having fear what would come out of it. But little did I know it was going to lead to revelation! After sitting quitely and finding my balanced breath, i knew I was ready to go. So I said the word: Women! What came next was amazing. These were the words that kept coming to my head: sex, annoying, demanding, elephant memory, party poopers, anal about little things making elephant out of a fly, shopping, money, emotional, controlling, jeolous! Then I thought of words that I associate with word " Man" and here are the words that came up; fun, sport, beer, letting go, friends, loyalty, fun, fun, fun, fun! Oh my God I said! There was not one flattering thing I could come up with about women! But how can it possibly be when I hold women in such a high esteem? So at that moment I knew and accepted the fact that You were right! i do have issues with women being in any kind of control and that obviously means women in supervising position. It wasnt easy to realize but it was true. I know its still on sub level but it needs to be destroyed. I need to destroy that line of thinking and being aware of it and admitting it is the first step in the right direction! Thats where the constant need to be right in arguing with women was born, in my subconscious mind shaped none other than my culture and upbringing. I was taught in early age by my cultural values that being a Man means being in constant control. It also means being tough and hold your emotions in check. It means a Man is not to cry ever! A man is not let women control him ever! And so on and so on! So on one hand I was by nature nurturing my sensitive side and inate need for justice and equality and on the other I was feeding my sub evil mind keeping steretypical opinios going about women! Thats why I was laughing like an idiot while watching Titanic when everyone was crying! How could I cry, I am a man! It was a stupid defensive mechanism at work. Sure I wanted to cry, i wanted to cry like I never wanted before. But I couldnt let my ex-gfriend see that. All these years I kept being in denial and more than anything in denial of being who I am! I am not a bigot! I am not insensitive. I dont believe a woman cant be in control! I do believe that emancipation was the best thing ever in history of mankind. I do believe women are stronger emotionally than men. I do believe women are loving, nurturing and caring. Not all, not all the time, but most, and most of the time. Once a French psychiatrist famously siad" Give me a child young enough and I will make anything you want out of him or her! " It is true, we are priducts of our childhood and environment, or at least it has a lot to do with it! I know I am getting out of hand writing this email, but it was important for me to do so. I am not even going to spell check it becuase if I go back and edit it, I will delete the whole thing. And may be it would be a wise thing, lol, but I wanted to write it all out.

I remember once I took my ex-girlfriend to the movies. We used to always fight when going to the movies. We were different about everything, even when it came to movies. We never saw eye to eye, God how did it last as long as I did? Amazing, I must be an angel, lol!!! So one rainy night we went out to see a movie. She insisted on seing some idiotic, senseless drama that I had no intrest in. At least it was senseless and idiotic in my humble opinion. I was like, listen lady life is drama enough and I dont want to be exposed to it in the movies while paying a fortune for both of us. So why dont we do the next best thing and just split the fun?! You go see your drama and waste my money and I will go see my comedy! She kept lecturing me on how it is important for a couple to go together. I wasnt having any of it. But finally I realized I was going to pay for it later! She was in a great mood and wanted to continue the romantic evening at her place. So I abruptly stopped fighting and said, you know what lets go see your wonderful drama while thinking lets go see your wasteful crap for you and later reward for me! All of a sudden she hugged and kissed me saying how wonderful and sensitive I really am. Then out of a blue she started bringing up a fight we once had in November 1435 at 2 am when it was raining outside and the blind man was walking his dog. Dont you remember you said something hurtful and made me feel like shit while never appologizing for it?! First, I was like are you for real my love? How can I remember something that happened last decade when I barely remember what color of underwear I put on this morning? But it was leading nowhere good for me so I being a gentleman decided to appologize for it. She hugged me again and said" But do you now remember what you are appologizing for? I said not reallly and she became upset saying I was acting immature and shouldnt appologize when I dont mean it. I lost control and yelled at her saying, listen all I want is to go see my comedy, enjoy it, say a few good compliments to you , get invited to your place, drink a few beer and have a passionate moment in bed. Then I want to peacefully retire to sleep. Thats what I really want and I wont be appologizing for it. Needless to say it led me nowhere that night except home alone in my bed!!! I knew then that women and men are just two different species. I called her this morning and we had a nice chat. I asked her if she believed I was afraid to let a woman being in control? She didnt take a second and said You think???? I said ' can you elobarate? She was more than happy to do so! she asked me if I ever held a women' hand in public? I said no, thats not manly! She asked me if I was ever comftable hugging a woman , I said no! And then she asked me a question that summoned up the whole conversation. She asked me if I ever let the woman be on top???? Thats when the revelation hit me! I am sorry for TMI but in four years of our relationships that was the biggest challenge for he. I never ever in my adult life let a woman be on top. That was a taboo! No matter what she did, it wasnt happening even if it meant going home along and hit a cold bed! Thats how I knew i have a problem. So I will not work on it hard. I will let a woman being on top and who knows, may be, just may be I will realize its not so bad!!!

Meg, the table tennis was a bad example. No, they are fine. It was just about me exaggerating. The stage was all cleared up. I was talking about the gym stage before Kristen came. We used to have few benches there that were broken. When I asked Ariel who told him to put it there, he mentioned Regina okeyd it. I suggested it wasnt the best diet since someone might stumble over it but she suggested it was neatly placed in the corner. it was later removed.

Thank you!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Just an update!

I will be back soon updating my blog. I have failed Medifast few times, however I am back at it again and I know it will be here to stay. I love the program. First few days are rough but then it gets easier. Its all a mental game. Today is my day 3 back and so far so good. I even managed to ride through it while going through very emotional stress at work. Usually I dont survivie those moments without some kind of pure poison indulgement. So I am optimistic! Even with all of my failures I still havent gained while being on and off Medifast. I managed to keep off 7 pounds weight loss for a month almost while going crazy on junk for days in a row and when I say going crazy I mean it. To the point where I literally made myself sick eating cookies, ice cream, pizza and fried rice. My high are usually low nowadays and my low are usually so low that I see Hell from there! Anyway, I am still keeping positive attitude. Call me crazy , but I know I will be successful!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

As soon as I made first two baby steps forward I fell right off and rolled down the hill fast and furious right to where I started!

GRRRRRRRRRRRR! Its insanity! I fell off the medifast plan, regained all of the 5 pounds originally lost and wasted almost 300 dollars down the toilet! Whats wrong with me????? Ok, that might have been an obvious question. Well, this week was hard and I ended up sabotaging myself again. My best friends Mom passed away and it was tough to see her go so fast in such a dramatic fashion basically wasting away from cancer. But its called Life and there are many challenges in it that requires us to be strong and handle it with dignity and honor. Instead I chose to del with it in self loathing, overindulgence and lack of discipline. Way to go Vadim! And gthe funny thing is that Medifast was working and it wasnt that bad at all. I was losing weight, I wasnt hungry and it was so convenient. I cant say its the bestg way to eat but it works and it does retrains your brain to eat smaller meals more frequently. So for carb addicts like me it is exactly what I need. But as soon as I cheat even a bit, all hell breaks lose. One is too many, 100 is not enough. And no matter how much I try to stop that run away train it is not happening. For years it has been the same battle and viscious cycle of extremes, that is eaither ors! Eaither I am an invincible diet machine or I am a run away train without no breaks. And everything gets crushed in the process. My self-esteem, my confidence and my trst in my own word. I once was able to stick to my word! I want that Vadim back! I know I have emotional demons lurking all the time waiting for me to falter but I can and did manage them so whats holding me back nooooooooow????? Oh boy! Here we go again, same old same old! Excuses, excuses, excuses, blah blah blah! Off course I want to be loved and love back, off course I want to settle down and find the one and only, off course I want my Mom to get better and live to 179, off course I want to have faith in God so strong that death is nothing more than a transition towards something better to come! But am I destined to be fat until I settle and resolve all of my subconscious fears or can I deal with them seperately while being on a reasonable weight loss plan and taking control of my life. What is it?! To be continued!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

It's a start!

I started medifast exactly 10 days ago. My first five days were almost 100 percent on plan give or take few tweaks here and there. Even though I tried my hardest to abstain from weighing in I caved in nevertheless and results were promising. I lost 5 pounds in first five days. It might have been mostly water weight however some of my 40 pounds must have been water gain as well. So I Wewas motivated and excited. Next few days were to test my resolve and boy did they ever. I had to endure my birthday party and our school graduation at Carnegie hall. My birthday party was organized by my department despite my disapproval. It was a loosing battle and I knew it. My boss is both stubborn and uncompromising. She ordered many dishes and lots of pastries and bray cake. I did my best to ride through the party but didn't quite make it unscaved. I didn't eat carby staff since it would throw me out of ketosis but I ate more than I planned or should have. I kind of overindulgef on chicken salad and egg salad. And boy did it make me sick. Next day I jumped right back in and did quite ok. Few days later I was one of the people in charge of organizing and implementing carnagie hall graduation for medical school students and college of health related profession. It was a very long stressful day. I packed four medifast chocolate bar and was doing ok. I had to stay away from all the food at lunch and dinner and I did. I was proud of my effort. I was just a bit hungry but not to the point where I was ravenous. And I was looking forward to still eat lean and green meal at home. When I got home my father made a stupid remark about my weight and....and I ate and ate and ate to deal with anger and pain from his comment. He didn't say nothing outrageous but it was enough. He told me that being a fat ass as I am I should have not eat late. He doesn't know I am dieting and in his eyes I was about to indulge. Don't you love it when u r tired stressed and on a diet someone mentioning how fat u r and that u should be dieting. Hello! Talk about timing. so the next few days were completely off plan. But saying that I still ate relatively low carb to stay in ketosis. I just ate a looooot! But all in all I did ok. I lost 6 pounds in ten days. But given the fact I lost five pounds in five days it wasn't much loss in the last five days. However I am still happy and seing cup half full. Today I started Back and will report back next week. This plan is very doable. It's really is and I kind of like it. At times I do get hungry but it's managable. I believe! I still want to update by way of short video blog and I just might if time permits. No excuses though. Despite my fathers remarks it is still in my hands to overcome comments and obstacles like that. These are called challenges and inability to overcome them led me to the fat zone which I ve been in for too long now. it is time to own and control my emotional eating instead of them controling them. It's not easy but nothing that is worthwile ever is, is it?! So to be continued... The journey must go on with it's good and bad with it's wins and losses. Thank u for reading !

Friday, May 21, 2010

Medifast- Day 1

I recieved my supply of Medifast bars, shakes and oatmeals last night and started the plan today. I barealy had any sleep last night because I had to drive my best friend to the hospital to sign a consent form to intubate his mom who is taking a turn for the worst. She had been disgnosed with colon cancer 6 months ago and was doing ok. But suddenly she started wasting away, literally. Cancer is that sneaky and dangerous! But no matter what I decided to go with the plan today rahter than wait for Monday or tomorrow or Christmas or Khanukah or New Year. Every day is a new beginning and I need to start practicing what I know and preach. I dont know if its sleep deprivation or the food but it wasnt that bad at all. Mind you its day 1. Being that I recently slipped out of ketogenic diet indulging in all kinds of carbs and junk it will take my body several days to get rid of glycogen. And when it does I may then start feeling the effect of switching to ketosis again. But then again medifast is not a high ketogenic diet and it does contain around 60 grams of carbs. Its very low calorie, low fat and relatively low carb plan. So here is my food intake for today:

6 am- Lemon Meringgue Crunch Bar= 110 cals= 13 grams of carbs= 4 grams of fiber= 5 grams of sugar= 11 grams of protein and 2.5 grams of fat

12 pm- Lemon Meringgue Crunch Bar= 110 cals= 13 grams of carbs= 4 grams of fiber= 5 grams of sugar= 11 grams of protein and 2.5 grams of fat

3 pm- Lemon Meringgue Crunch Bar= 110 cals= 13 grams of carbs= 4 grams of fiber= 5 grams of sugar= 11 grams of protein and 2.5 grams of fat

7 pm- Apple Cinammon Oatmeal= ,100 cals= 14 grams carbs= 4 grams fiber= 10 grams protein

9 pm- 6 0z grilled chicken with 1 cup of greens= 375 calories= 50 grams of protein

12 am- Medifast Dark Chocolate= 90 calories= 14 grams carbs=4 grams fiber=14 grams of protein

Totals for the day:

Cals= 895
Carbs= 68 grms
Fiber= 20 grams
Net carbs= 48 grams
Protein= 105 grams

So thats basically how my menus will look as far as calories and micronutirents distributions. I know, I know its really low cals. I would be the first to tell its kind of very low but many, many people swear by this plan, including thousands of doctors. This plan has been around for years and had helped many obese people to get back their lives. I dont know. I will report on my progress weekly. I hope, pray and look forward to being consistent with this plan and give it all my best effort. I need to get in shape and reclaim my health. This plan has structure, convenience and proven record. I believe! I may do weekly video update through vblog as well.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Ready To Join The Calorie Restriction Society?

Jimmy Moore once asked this question on his menu blog and it seemed like a no brainer answer. Not so fast Sherlock! I am ready to join Medifast! I am sure you guys have heard of this company. Basically its a low calorie, low carb, low fat plan created by a doctor and used by many doctors to treat morbidly ovese individuals. I have heard numerous stories of its success. Lots of people do swear by it and promise great results. I tried it twice and failed miserably. So why do I even want to try it again? Number one: I think I am mentally ready this time. Number two: it will give me all the necessary tools for success. Number three: I dont have to worry about micronutrients, ratios, fiber content and so on. My weight had spiraled out of control and I need to do something about it before hot, sticky New York summer hits and its right around the corner. I will do everything I can to give Medifast a fair try this time. I just ordered 4 weeks worth of food. I will keep my blog updated weekly to post results for those who are curious. As always thank you for reading and thank you for your support. If you guys have any questions, comments I welcome them all. I am an open minded guy and I promise not to take anything personal. I know many people are against such a drastic plan, and believe me I was one of them as late as yesterday. But today I changed my mind. I need help and Medifast was created and had been in business for many years helping people like me get back on track. I believe!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The genetic weight management test is in! To do or not to do? That is the question of the day!

I havent blogged for a while but here is the latest development. I recently saw a Dr Oz show where he featured the company called Interleukin Genetics. This company specializes in few genotype tests for general public evaluating certain risk factors for heart disease, bone deteriation and vitamin deficiency. They are also first company in USA to develop a weight management genetic test which helps consumers to chose the best type diet based on their respective genetic profile. I was excited to say the least when Dr Oz, of all people, supported this company work 100 percent and claiming that there are people whos diet should be low carb and include less than 30 grams of carbs a day. This company was involved in many researches including famous Stanford University study where group of people were devided into grapes based on their genetic profiles. Study conclusively showed that people who follow their recommended genetic fit diet are at least 30 percent more efficient in losing weight. I did an extensive research of this company and found only great reviews about their work. So I pulled a plug and ordered the test, which is expensive and runs for $149 dollars. Its very simple test and takes literally 5 minutes to complete. You basically swab your cheeks and send it back to the lab and two weeks after you get the results. I was patiently awaiting my results back and yesterday I got them. Here is my report:

Weight Management Genetic Test Report
The results of your test place you in the category of Balance of Fat and Carbohydrate ("Better Balancer") and
More Responsive to High Intensity Exercise ("High MET").
Balance of Fat and Carbohydrate ("Better Balancer"). Individuals with this genetic pattern show no consistent need
for a low fat or low carbohydrate diet. In these individuals key biomarkers, such as body weight, body fat, and
plasma lipid profile respond well to a diet balanced in fat and carbohydrate. For individuals with this genetic pattern
who are interested in losing weight, a balanced diet restricted in calories has been found to promote weight loss
and a decrease in body fat.
More Responsive to High Intensity Exercise ("High MET"). Individuals with this genetic pattern are less able to break
down body fat for energy in response to exercise than those with the alternative genetic pattern. They tend to lose
less weight and body fat than expected with moderate exercise. These individuals require more exercise to activate
the breakdown of body fat for energy and weight loss. They must also maintain a consistent exercise program to
keep the weight off.
Your Genotypes:
DNA Variation Name: FABP2(+1283) PPARG(+34) ADRB3(+190) ADRB2(+46) ADRB2(+79)
Genotype: G,G C,C C,T G,G C,C
This test was developed and its performance characteristics determined by Interleukin Genetics. The test was
performed at the Interleukin Genetics Inc. laboratory in Waltham, MA. The laboratory has been inspected and
certified by the U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) per the U.S. Clinical Laboratory Improvement
Amendment (CLIA) protocols. However, the Inherent Health test itself has not been cleared or approved by the U.S.
Food and Drug Administration.
Next Steps:
Call 1-866-990-GENE (4363) for your session with a board-certified, licensed Genetic Professional, who can review
your reports and answer any questions. In addition, the enclosed booklet contains useful information to
guide you, as well as suggestions for diet and exercise.
Patricia D. Murphy, Ph.D., FACMG, 04/ 27/ 2010
Director, DNA Laboratory
Interleukin Genetics

Monday, April 19, 2010

Tons of supplements, finger foods and lauphter! Thats my new plan and I will rock thi time!

Guess where I have been lately? Carbomania! I thought it was all behind me and it really is wayyyyy behind me! Literally! I look fat and I feel it. I have sinned against my body repeatedly, however all is not lost. Somehow, I still believe! I do! I will find the way and it starts toooooday! After yet another unsuccessful attempt at balanced diet, I made my final decision and this is what I call: Finger food plan!
And no, I havent forgotten my medication! It is a new cool plan of mine to keep me rolling and I have this internal funny feeling that I will. So cheer me on my friends, here I go again:

My finger foods plan will include following allowed foods, each food category for each finger! lol, I may not be that creative but each of my fingers will be assigned a food group.
1. All meat and poultry and seafood!
2. All dairy, no sugar added food ( especially greek yougurt)
3. Whey protein
4. Occasional quinoa or buckwheat or oatmeal
5. Berries
6. Sugar-free chocolate
7. Vegetables
8. Nuts and seeds
9. Eggs
10.Low carb bread and lots of supplements! Plus daily dose of lauphter, Stay tuned, to be continued...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I am throwing in a white towel! Its time to reflect, respect and respond!

Not even second day into induction I am stopping it! Not only did I feel extreamly uncomftable but my old symptoms come back once again which I thought were gone due to Zoloft. I am not sure if it is whey protein or induction in general or my inability to keep a plan and switching back and force between gluconeogenesis and glucose metabolism or all of the above. But what I do know is that I need to fix my head before fixing my body, no doubt about it. I am still subconsciously hesitant to go low carb all the way. I think in one way or another I have no confidence in sticking to the program for long time due to various reasons, all under my control yet not controllable. Low carb is a wonderful program and does work wonders. However, compliance must be 100 percent or it is a kiss of death as Dr Atkins put it. We, humans. are complicated machinery. We are not just biochemical chain of atoms and molecules. We are psychospiritual beings. It is not all about leptin or insulin or low carb or low fat, it is about delicate balance called homeostasis. So without further excuses or explanations I am calling my low carb way of living off since I am unable to keep it going any more. I now need a more liberated approach where I can coorect my mistakes in case I fail. Glucose metabolism can afford me that opportunity. I am doing more harm than good by being on low carb and off all the time. It is stressful for the body to readjust hormonal responses and enzymatic changes to accomodate dietary change in which a totally different metabolism is required. I will do my best to eat clean, wholesome food in a style of midetarrian diet. It will still be more or less lower carb plan, yet I will introduce grains such as quinoa, buckwheat and oatmeal which I love. I will also be consuming more fish and fruits as well as dairy. Thats the plan! I just need to find my way and let my body know it can trust me. Hopefully I will find a lifestyle eating plan in which my head and my body are friends, Amen! P.S. I am very fasinated with Japanese culture and was once intrigued by Okinawa people longevity and their simple yet powerful lifestyle. Here is a short clip about their secret to life:

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Very short update! Induction Day 1

Weight= 255 pounds. It is a combination of depression plus nightly sugar oveload plus lack of any self-control or self-respect!

Induction, Day 1

1/2 cup of mashed cauliflower with two organic hot dogs ( Its Apple something brand, simply delisious. I am not a fan of hot dogs but these ones are exception. They are expensive and cost $4.50 for 8 skinny franks. I buy them at Trader Joes. But the compnay claims its all organic beef mixed with organic spices and no artificial anything!

4 boiled eggs with dash of salt and mustard

1 oz of goat cheese

4 scoops of MRM vanilla whey protein mixed with 2 cups of Blue Diamond almond milk and half a cup of frozen rasberries.

Thats it! I feel kind of whoozy but not too bad. I pray my previous symptoms are left in the past and it was all stress related rather than anything else. We shall see!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Success is failure turned inside out! Wow, thats powerful!

I could nag and complain and cry and blame and analize and bitch and complain even more. I could play a victim or pretend to be who I am not. I could come up with a million of excuses for why instead of why not but in the end its all irrelevant. I have failed! I have failed to believe in myself when I believed in others, I have failed to love myslef when I loved others. I failed to follow through when I pushed others to do so. And the end result is weight gain, lower self-esteem and doubts. I owe IT to my body. I owe IT to all of my organs. I appologize to you all, my liver , my brain, my kidneys, my pancreas, my intestines and all others who I didnt mention. I am sorry for all the neglect, all the abuse and all the excuses. And now I owe them IT. IT is a simple yet powerful word and IT is RESPECT! I cant continue getting on and off low carb, I cant continue to use food as my security blanket or to drug myslef to sleep. Food is neither a friend nor an enemy. It is not, its a fuel and thats what is meant to be. I cant continue to fool myslef believing i can eat carbs in moderation or eat a balanced diet. There is no balanced diet for me at this moment or ice cream in moderation. Carbs are not my enemy, but they are my weakness. As alcohol is a weakness to an alcoholic, carb is a weakness to me who is a carboholic. I never pig out on steak and brocoli when I am sad. I never swallow chicken breast after chicken breat when I am lonely. I never crave a pound of butter when I am angry. There is a reason for it. And its called Nature. Nature selects food for us as fuel, MAN select food for us which is profit. And to make a profit food has to be both palatable and addictive. And more often than not it becomes un-naturalized. i know I made promises and broke challenges. I know ! But you were still there cheering me on. May be not many of you, may be just a few but it is not how many but how caring! I will be a fool to promise anything at this point or challenge myself to anything. So I quitely and respectfully look forward to a new beginning or to a new end depending how to look at it. I have been in a bad place called selfdestruction. It is a tempting place where cookies, Mcdonalds and all other crap reside. I pray to get out of there and I must. So with your help and God willing I will. I have to, it has been long overdue. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Say it once, say it twice, say it all the time! No more crap, no more crap, crap no more!

Do you know the definition of the optimist? Optimist is the ill-informed pessimist! But..... I can still defeat my demons, be strong and give up eating crap once and for all. So to all I say " No more" I am stopping eating crap! I have had it up to here, no up to here, actually up to high stinking everywhere. I stopped smoking after having cigarettes for loooong time. I stopped it cold chicken. I stopped drinking after having drank for years. So if I was able to do that I can stop eating crap and poisoning my body. I cant treat my body with so much disrespect and dishonesty. I will not any more! I am shutting the door. Crap you are not welcome any more! I am shaving my head bold tomorrow, I am taking my neard off tomorrow and I am stopping eating crap, TONIGHT!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Is there balance in unbalanced life?

After many trials and tribulations, after many failed attempts to gain control of my diet and my health, I am back to square one or may be o! I was told to just eat a balanced diet instead of trying all kinds of fad under the sun. I dont know if it is my subconscious mind resorting to fear or what but low carb hasnt been working for me as of late. I experienced stomack cramps, IBS kind of symptoms and total exhuastion at times with muscle weakness and pain. May be it has absolutely nothing to do with low carb, as a matter of fact I believe it doesnt. But for whatever reasons, weather it is my doctors imprinting that scare massage about low carb or what. it didnt do me any good. So I decided to do the best next thing, go with balance diet! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Goooooodness! There is nothing about my life or in it right now that even remotely spells balance! I have no idea why I thought balanced diet would be a solution. I am a sugar addict, emotional eater and a person not being able to adapt to stress any more. I suffer from some rather debilitating symptoms, was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and IBS. I was given lots of medications such as zoloft and beta blockers to calm my body down. On top of everything else my Mom is back in the hospital suffering from partial colon obstruction and my dad is in the hospital with his recurring heart angina. Ok, if that wasnt enough I had a bad car accident and my brand new Lexus is almost total. Thanks God nobody got seriously hurt even though I do need some physical therapy. Ok. So in the midst of very unbalanced life and me being emotional wreck balanced diet seemed to be a logical choice. Not for me but for my genious doctor. He said do not try to punish yourself by eliminating your favorite comfort food but rather have them in small quantitiy. Ok I said, knowing fairly well that this philosophy hasnt worked, well ever! So if doing the same thing and expecting different result is the definition of insanity, I am an insanity! So balanced diet and having my favorite carb treats in moderation ended up in a lot of poooooooop. Not only I totally lost control and ate like a mad man on a sugar mission but ate more than I ever did, nonstop. Results? I gained 10 pounds and now eight at 244 which is officially my heaviset in many years. But my IBS did go away and pardon my Russian , my shit looked normal for the first time in months. May be just may be because I ate a lot of shit, and if you follow the paradigm of you are what you eat, then if you eat a lot of shit, guess what???? So the only positive thing about all of that experiment was that I was able to defecate normal again. But I will not trade off having a normal bowle movement over weight gain and other miseries that come along with my balanced diet. So here is my final verdict at least for the foreseeble future until I get better emotionally and deal with my anxiety and stress and family issues"

I am going back to go forward, that is I am back on lower carb diet. I will, however, include lots of green vegetables, olive oil and high fat fish. I will also gear towards more of a mideterenian kind of a low carb version becuase I do enjoy eating a lot of fish, nuts and seeds and berries along with some cottage cheese. I will do more video post to update on how I am doing as well, may be once a week video update. Thanks for your continued support.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Very quick update!

I am going to make it very short. Its hard for me to do since short is not a word I am used to, but today I have no choice. I appologize for not posting any more follow up videos. I have been through a loooooooooot. My body and mind are totally working agianst each other. I have been back to feeling dysfunctional. I did change doctor and he put me on bunch of medications which I am not crazy about. He put me on zoloft, beta blocker valium and acid reducing drug. He diagnosed me with CFS, IBS and panick attacks. I started taking meds but it is not helping. Now I am simply chronickly fatigued, in pain and constipated. I thought diarhea was bad, oh boy! Constipation sucks! As far as food is concerned I havent been eating much. No appetie of late. Oh, one more thing. My friend's wife recently passed away at the age of 34 from cancer. It was simply beyond comprehension. I think the funeral made my body even more freakish. I dont know. But I pledged to stop eating eating after 8 pm in her memory. It had been the hardest thing for me to do, that is stop eating after 8 since I go to bed at around 2 am. But I decided to do it and so far I kept it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Here is my link to my first ever youtube video!

As I pormised long ago, the youtube video is finally done. I cant say I loved the whole experience. It was kind of bizzare and on the run. I only had 10 or so minutes to shoot this video before going to the hospital with my Mom. So it was both spontaneous and nervewrecking. My initial reaction was to delete it immediately. But that would defeat the whole point. I am not perfect and will never create a perfect video. For the longest time I have been attempting to creat a perfect body that I could love and respect to only lose a bigger perspective. I already have a perfect body that I need and must learn to accept, love and respect. I had put it through a lot of trials and tribulations both mentally and physically. Its time to change! So this video is work in progress, lol, to say the least. I am a very open-minded guy and can laugh at myself. I once more realized that looks is not my best attribute, even though I love it the way it is. Its a gift and one day might even give on giving, lol. I will definitely take more videos, better quality and more nutritionally oriented. I have lots of ideas and hopefully it will start taking place sooner than later.

Here is the link, I have no idea how to post the video in here. May be Sadekat can help me out!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Is it the chicken or the egg? Go figure!

Ok, ok I am back. Has anyone missed me yet? I hope so. I do need a hug. I have been a complete and utter emotional mess as of late. My health problems got from bad to worth. My gastrointestinal symptoms that brought along a panick attack like things increased in both time andc intensity to the point where I was forced to take a week off from work. I couldnt handle stress at all. Any stressor weather any situation at work or some other subconscious thought swould bring on unpleasant events. But... the good news is that I dont think it is diet related number one and that I do suffer from anxiety disorder or more like bad panick attacks. I am still going through a lot of tests but preliminary diagnosis is IBS and anxiety with some degree of chronic fatigue syndrome. I was put on Zoloft and valium along with beta-blockers and gas reducing meds. Mind you, I dispise meds. But for the time being I have no choice. I simply cant control my symptoms at least as of yet. And now that my symptoms progressed from once a week to basically every day it is both wise and practical to listen to my doctor. I will be updating my blog more often, hopefully. I did take my first video this morning. I wasnt feeling well and taking this video was the last thing I wanted to do. But I decided to start following through on my promises, plans and resolutions. After I recorded this video I immediately wanted to delete it right away. But I decided to let it be. I am who I am at this moment and I am starting to love me. I have had years of mental abuse. The worst of it I imposed on myself. So this time around I am growing up and part of this process is accepting my body and spirit. There is room for change, lots of it but with God's help and my stubborness and hard work I will accomplish it. Thanks! I hope I can attach this video later.

I am atill at 240 pounds. It is still a looooooot. But I am back on low carb with some room for fruits and occasioanally a very tiny amount of grains. I will keep my fingers crossed. So at this pont I am not sure what provokes my attakcs? Is it the IBS causing panick attack or is it the panick attack causing IBS? I dont know but hope to get rid of them both!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Its not a sunny day in my garden!

I am in pain! I have no idea whats happening with me but it surely pisses living light out of me. My body is giving me many warning signs but I cant figure out whats going on but neither do doctors, at least for now. Its either that or my body is simply way too stressed out and needs time off to cool off. Yesterday I was insanely uncomftable spending full day in and out of the bathroom. It was not a good thing. The trip to the bathroom was followed up by extreme fatigue and pain in both extremeties. Pain would subside big time after the trip to the bathroom. My intestines were bloated and it was pushing on my diaphragm. I was told it could be IBS or stress related. I do have plenty of stress and at times it seems I cant handle it. I have been way too emotional at times too. I snapped at people, and even broke down in tears this morning. I hate unknown and I hate this debilitating condition. It simply sucks monkey's behind. It slows me down to a point where I feel overwhelmed by it. It, whatever it is, stealing my personality. I feel run down. So for the time being I am off low carb. I am still eating relatively lower carbs but will add fruits and oatmeal to calm down my stomack. Hopefully I will feel better before I feel worth. Thanks for your continued support. Not to leave you sad, I am adding this funny anekdote, hope you enjoy it!

Believe it or not!!!!!
Woman has Man in it; Mrs. has Mr. ! in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.

Send this to all the men just to annoy them............


Friday, January 8, 2010

One more life lesson learnt, if its not stiff enough give it up !

Ok, I was finally in the mood last night! Oopsie roll was calling my name. For the longest time the name itself made me smile. How bad can it be, I said! And sure enough the recipe was easier than taking a shower. Or so I thought, but making it 1 am being dead tired, no, not a good idea! The recipe calls for 3 eggs, 3 oz of cream cheese and a pinch of cream of tartar. Then you simply seperate the egg yolks from the whites. After you mix up the cream cheese with the yolks and whip up the egg whites till stiff you simply gently fold the yolks mixture into the egg whites making a dough cutting it in six equal parts. Then you preheat the oven to 350 degrees and bake the whole thing for 30 minutes. You let it rest for 5 minutes, take it out of the oven and wait for it to cool down. Thats it! Here is what your truly did; I decided if three eggs are good, four are better. And if 3 oz are called for 3 eggs why not put about 6 oz? Then to make it more exciting I added few tablespoons of coconut flour. When I was done the whole mixture was so sticky I couldnt remove it from the bowl. So I put some coconut milk into it. Then it was time for beating the egg whites till stiff. I decided to do it manually and boy did it suck. I was beating them all wrong as I found out today from my coworker. So it never came to the point of stiffness. It was semi-soft at best. I got tired of my own insanity and mixed up egg whites into the egg yolks. Then I buttered up the foil and baked the whole thing for 30 minutes. It nver rose and came out flat! When I tasted it I almost choked because it was dry. I ended up eating it anyway with the glass of almond milk. Oh, I forgot that I almost burnt the whole kitchen in the process. Oi wei! As far as my diet goes I have been on the low carb bandwagon for a week now and hopefully it will stick this time. The only negative thing about my renewed comittment is that I have been experiencing old-new debilitating symptoms again. For the last few days I have been stricken with bloatness, gas, pulsitang stomack and palpitation. It usually starts with intestinal discomfort first, then my stomack starts racing like crazy and I feel like fainting. It gets all better once I go to the bathroom and empty the intestines, sorry for TMI. But it is indeed scary. I hope it goes away but it has been happening for a while. I am beginning to think it might be some kind of IBS related to anxiety and stress. Who knows! Thanks for reading!

Monday, January 4, 2010

2010 ! From New York with lots of love going your way!

It was one of the quitest New Year celebration ever but it was just as good as all others. I stayed home with my parents. My mom had developed some complications from chemotherapy and she was depressed as well. On the eve of New Year Russian people go all out. It is THE biggest and most celebrated holiday in both Russia and every other corner where Russkis dwell. Not only is it THE biggest holiday but you get officially two weeks off from work in Russia. Those crazy Russians, lol. It starts early in the morning. Women start preparing all kinds of goodies for the party while men are busy scrambling for the right amount of vodka for the guests. Mind you, its never enough vodka so they buy insane amounts. Therefore we have lots of saying about Russians and their drinking habits. Ok, here is one " Whats entertainment for the Russian is the death sentence for German! Or when the Russian wakes up early in the morning after New Year and sais " I have the biggest headack and hangover now, I feel like I am dying, I should have died last night! I think you guys get the point, we, Russians, are missing few screws here and there. But given that my Mom who I love dearly going through so much, I decided to stay home and celebrate with her. I usually celebrate it with parents until 1 am and then hit my frien's house where there is a gathering of 25 people drunken people acting stupidly and loud. We continue the celebration until 7 am and then crawl crash. But this year it was peaceful, quite and uneventful and I liked it too. I could go on and on about many things, but since this is menu oriented blog I will stick to it somewhat. I decided not to make any resolutions this year. Its simply pointless. Every day can and should be a new beginning or continuation of the old one. No points for silly resolutions on specific day of the week. At least that is for me. But I did promise to start low carb life again after New Year and so far I have been a good boy. I will be on different menus trying to figure it all out. But so far so good. I will continue to update this blog on a regular bases, hopefully every day. I know that I promised a video blog for the longest time and I will deliver. It took a while, but I am exactly computer savvy. Yet, I have all the necessary tools for my first video blog so stay tunes. I honestly think its a great idea to do it. It makes so much more personal and since we have been communicating with each other for more than a year, it makes even more sense.

Ok, for the past 4 days I have been mostly consuming: lamb meat cooked in a slow cooker by yours truly, some vegetables with red caviar, cottage cheese with buttermilk and pumpkin seeds as snack. That was basically it, and so far its a new beginning.