Monday, April 6, 2009

A house of 10,000 matches! At times we need to destroy an old destructive house to be able to build a new, more fundamentally sound and healthy one!

When I was a little boy and even more like a teenager, one of the most fascinated thing to me was power of distraction. My mother told me stories that when I was about 3 years old I would patiently wait for hours on te beach to get a chance to destroy sand castles that other kids built. I would quietly watch boys bring small buckets of water to girls who were building up sand castles. Then I would wait till they were a bit distracted and sneaked in on them to put it down. It would always fascinate me how fast and hard it is to build something and how it easy it was to destroy it. I have a huge scar on my left hand, more like an attached flap on my finger from glass hitting my hand, I almost lost my hand when I was about 12 or so. My sister is 7 years older than me, and she was one of this girl that did everything right, by the book, so to speak! She was a straight A student, community leader, pride of the family! I was, well...... not so much pride of anyone when I was growing up. Denise Menace so to speak. All my teachers told my Mom that I was way more gifted than my sister but never cared enough to realize my full potential. I and my sister used to collect different things for hobbies. I was also collecting sport memorabilia. I was a huge sport fanatic, still kind of am. She used to collect color matches and build up houses out of it. She won many prizes for it. One day my family had a big family gathering for my sister's birthday. It was a day that I hated. Everyone would give her millions of compliments and told her how proud they were of her. She was this and she was that! I would sit quietly in the corner of the room until it was over. I never liked adults much when I was younger. They were mean and fake in my opinion and very old. At the end of the night one of the geniuses would remember a little kid sitting in the corner and said " Oh Vadim you will accomplish something too, dont feel so bad. You will just have to work as hard as your sister''. I wasnt jealous or anything but couldn't understand why adult had to give fake compliments or console the kid who they managed not to see all evening. Was it a way to compensate for their lack of attention to a kid who wasnt so perfect according to society ways? Its like here suck on this lollipop and when you do better come and talk to us, otherwise just sit in the corner and be quiet. Since that day I always have hard time with big, official corporate like events. Many adults, many lollipops. Going back to that eveneing when my sister got all her prized compliments. When the event was over she passed by me and said " See, brother, when you do well in school and work your hardest, many respect and adore you. So stop being a menace and be like me, arent you proud to have me in your life so you can emulate! I do now, not then! I was pissed at her for being such a brag. I couldnt wait for the evening to go over. But before it was indeed over, there was one more compliment for her that broke a Camel's back! It was on my sister's house that se built with 10,000 matches. It was a piece of art! My uncle was a captain of the big ship and traveled extensively around the world. He would bring my sister many big wooden matches fro her to build her houses. This particular house of 10000 matches won many awards and countless praises and compliments for her! The house was magnificent and colorful. Roof was made of mixed red and green matches, more like renaissance times. Windows of made out of yellow and so on. So after the evening was over and I finally could have my quite moment, a bad thought came into my mind. I wanted to rebel against compliments and rewards, against society so to speak. Do you know what I did????????????? I think you do, lol!

I burnt the house of 10000 matches! I never felt so free! That house stood as a symbol in my silly haead at the time of fakeness and many compliments I couldnt stomach. Little did I know at the time that it was indeed a symbol of hard work and perseverance! I do now, lol. what did my sister do? When she came home and saw the house being burnt that took 6 month to build match by match, she temporaryu lost her mind. She grabbed a knife and ran after me. I ran into the kitchen and slammed the glass so hard that a piece of glass cracked and took off my left finger. I was taken to the ambulance and my finger was saved but a flap and a big scar still remains as a reminder of my destructive ways. She still claims today that she was trying to cut my fingers so I couldnt destroy anything any more. If you ask me, I think she went for my head, lol! We are , by the way, are best friends now. I swore that day that for the rest of my life, I will try to create and build instead of demolishing. May be that's why I still cant stand compliments. I havent built much or creatwed much since. But I havent destroyed much either, lol, I think! So when I try to create something, even on a miniature stature, like a Green board, expectations are so high in my subconscious mind, that's its hard to match unless its Leonardo De Vinci kind of board. Sorry for the long story, but i had to sort of expain a history so u can understand. And I dont tell this story often.Its just when it hits the right cord I do, and when I start telling, its usually a long story. Like I once said ''To make a short story long""" But i cant help at times. If you read this far without deleting, you have a lot of patience. Anyway, thanks for the compliments but I honestly think I could have done much, much better. It was just ok . May be good enough for one compliment, lol! But I guess I am hard at myself at times. May be because I still haven't delivered that promise that I gave as a young boy and its bothering me! Anyway, I am working on it and have a little more time, I hope, to achieve!

I am still working on it. Not hard, not hard enough. But I know, I know and I do know it will happen. So help me God!


Erika said...

Hehehe I can just imagine you as a cheeky little kid ruining other kids lives. Glad you grew out of that! lol Keep up the good work!

Harry said...

I often marvel at how long childhood feelings and thoughts continue to stick with us - in one way or another.

Maybe it's not such a bad thing. They often teach us useful lessons. :-)

There's a lot I still hope to learn from my formative years.

Vadim said...

lol, chidhood was great. So many memories, such an inocent time, atleast for me.

Didirina said...

This is a perfect Easter story, Vadim! Thank you for sharing it.