Thursday, March 18, 2010
Success is failure turned inside out! Wow, thats powerful!
I could nag and complain and cry and blame and analize and bitch and complain even more. I could play a victim or pretend to be who I am not. I could come up with a million of excuses for why instead of why not but in the end its all irrelevant. I have failed! I have failed to believe in myself when I believed in others, I have failed to love myslef when I loved others. I failed to follow through when I pushed others to do so. And the end result is weight gain, lower self-esteem and doubts. I owe IT to my body. I owe IT to all of my organs. I appologize to you all, my liver , my brain, my kidneys, my pancreas, my intestines and all others who I didnt mention. I am sorry for all the neglect, all the abuse and all the excuses. And now I owe them IT. IT is a simple yet powerful word and IT is RESPECT! I cant continue getting on and off low carb, I cant continue to use food as my security blanket or to drug myslef to sleep. Food is neither a friend nor an enemy. It is not, its a fuel and thats what is meant to be. I cant continue to fool myslef believing i can eat carbs in moderation or eat a balanced diet. There is no balanced diet for me at this moment or ice cream in moderation. Carbs are not my enemy, but they are my weakness. As alcohol is a weakness to an alcoholic, carb is a weakness to me who is a carboholic. I never pig out on steak and brocoli when I am sad. I never swallow chicken breast after chicken breat when I am lonely. I never crave a pound of butter when I am angry. There is a reason for it. And its called Nature. Nature selects food for us as fuel, MAN select food for us which is profit. And to make a profit food has to be both palatable and addictive. And more often than not it becomes un-naturalized. i know I made promises and broke challenges. I know ! But you were still there cheering me on. May be not many of you, may be just a few but it is not how many but how caring! I will be a fool to promise anything at this point or challenge myself to anything. So I quitely and respectfully look forward to a new beginning or to a new end depending how to look at it. I have been in a bad place called selfdestruction. It is a tempting place where cookies, Mcdonalds and all other crap reside. I pray to get out of there and I must. So with your help and God willing I will. I have to, it has been long overdue. Thanks for reading!