When you are in ahole, why dig further or why I need to learn how to close the loop!

I failed. Again?! Again, you ask?! Yes, again! I had an emotional episode and boom..... I binged. So after I binged, I felt guilty. After I felt guilty I felt weak and menless and when I felt that I binged again. So I ended up in a big hole, a dark one with feeling of shame, no will power and low self-esteem. While I was laying in that hole I got hungry. So I ate again, binging that is! So after I was done with self-pity and feeling hopeless I got angry. So somewhere between feeling hopeless and angry a plan was born. I just need to learn how to close the loop when I get off the plan, thats all. So instead of All or Nothing attitude I must learn that failing is a part of being human and that success is just another side of failing and that without failures growth is impossible. So yes I failedtime and time again but.... But I am up again and dreaming. Dreaming that I can concur my demons and find the way to a happier, more balanced life and me!


Today I am starting over the Medifast plan. I am planning on having 5 medifast meals during the day and one lean and green meal at night exactly as the plan describes. However my demons come out mostly at night when I go home from a long day watching TV. So if that happens I will just succumb to healthier choices like protein beef jerky or eggs or nuts. I am 272 pounds which is so unacceptable. Plus lately I have been feeling fatigued all the time and my stomack issues arosed again.


But my next biggest challenge is not to weight myself for at least a week, NO MATTER WHAT< SUCCESS OR FAILURES! So starting today I just want to eat and eat for physilological reasons rather then emotional. Thats my plan!