Tuesday, January 11, 2011
New Year, same experiences!
Today is January 11, 2011 and I am still struggling to get back on either low carb or some sane, healthy plan. At times I seem to have grabbed bull by its strong horns to only see this ugly bull come back. Overall I havent gained any more weight and still somewhat at 280 sh pounds. But it is totally a bummer. I need to get fit and release at least 100 pounds of ugly, visceral fat from my organs. I feel its suffocating me. But every time I do go on some kind of sane plan my body sabotages my effort. My IBS/some nasty gastrointestinal/near fainit/heart palpitations are back and it totally screws me up. I know I am the only one to blame as I literally poisoned my body for so long. However, I hope I am still capable of changes. I need it. I need to regain control about my eating and make a livable lifestyle nutritional plan I can live with. And I also need to find whats ailing me. I start having stronger and stronger suspicion it is indeed IBS and anxiety caused by abise, negligence and postponing healthy living until Tomorrow, New Year or some other dates. I must stop crazy obsesssion with scale and with perfection. Every time I follow a plan, it has to be perfect and if its not I just snap and eat like a pig becoming primitive reptile whos only purpose is instant gratification and a full stomack. Damn, I so crave the day when I will stop this all or nothing behavior and just eat to live and the other way around. Its been way overdue!