Tuesday, January 11, 2011
New Year, same experiences!
Today is January 11, 2011 and I am still struggling to get back on either low carb or some sane, healthy plan. At times I seem to have grabbed bull by its strong horns to only see this ugly bull come back. Overall I havent gained any more weight and still somewhat at 280 sh pounds. But it is totally a bummer. I need to get fit and release at least 100 pounds of ugly, visceral fat from my organs. I feel its suffocating me. But every time I do go on some kind of sane plan my body sabotages my effort. My IBS/some nasty gastrointestinal/near fainit/heart palpitations are back and it totally screws me up. I know I am the only one to blame as I literally poisoned my body for so long. However, I hope I am still capable of changes. I need it. I need to regain control about my eating and make a livable lifestyle nutritional plan I can live with. And I also need to find whats ailing me. I start having stronger and stronger suspicion it is indeed IBS and anxiety caused by abise, negligence and postponing healthy living until Tomorrow, New Year or some other dates. I must stop crazy obsesssion with scale and with perfection. Every time I follow a plan, it has to be perfect and if its not I just snap and eat like a pig becoming primitive reptile whos only purpose is instant gratification and a full stomack. Damn, I so crave the day when I will stop this all or nothing behavior and just eat to live and the other way around. Its been way overdue!
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4 comments:
You can do it Vadim. Drop that all or nothing attitude. Although that is easier said than done. I also get obsessive and am looking for a balance. How many steps a day are you walking? My highest so far is 9000!
Lol, I am not! I know, I know I will call myself a loser. Number one, I am preoccipied with my IBS/Anxiety crap. Its literally bothering me on daily basis now. to the point where I am trying to avoid places where I had an attack. However I am learning to cope with it. Walking was one of those things that triggered an attack. I would take it to extreame and walk 30000 steps daily and I guess it provoked panick attack due to my idiotic behaviour . I will start walking on my treadmill at home since I feel safe doing it and in case I do too much I can just relax in familiar environment and not feel overwhelmes. I know it doesnt make much sense unless you had an anxiety lol. Many people dont understand it and I was one of them when I didnt have it. I am still not sure what is first; my IBS provoking anxiety due to very nasty symptoms such as : tachycardia, burning pain in epigstric area, sever fatigue, some kind of twisting pain all over and lightheadness which goes away by going to the bathroom but it then comes back few times a day.
Wallpapers said...
You can do it Vadim. Drop that all or nothing attitude.
I subscribe!
Thank you guys!
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