Sunday, February 19, 2012
Copy and paste entry from a month ago! Will I ever change?!
I fell off again and hit the rock bottom yet again stuffing my face in junk. I have been eating my worries away. I don't know how I let it happen so fast. Addiction is a horrible disease. Before I knew it a week pass by , then another one and now I am back to 275 from 260 few weeks ago. I have had a hate and love relationship with my scale. I need to completely disassociate myself from scale and concentrate fully on eating for health. I owe it to myself, my family and my Mom! I promised it to her and she never thought I would deliver. And I didn't when she was still here but I have to do it. I am pushing 40, a very dangerous age for a man. My body was forgiven but how long can it forgive my abuse??? I must change!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Humbled by my inabilites to get back on the proverbial low carb wagon, I am still determined to get it done!
Haven't weighted officially in two weeks, however I still sneaked at my dads manual scales. One of those gigantic ancient one with a big dial and it shows no weight loss. So I am still hovering around 270 or in that range. I haven't binged in this period which is a progress altho a small one. Still a progress and I managed to keep it low carb. But I need to speed my progress. I have been stuck on this weight since I was 2 years old, lol at least it feels that way! I somehow need to dig deep within and find a motivation to take control of my life!
Here is how I plan to accomplish it for the next few days to get the scale moving again!
Qty
Unit
Calories
Raw Cauliflower11:41 p.m.
3
cup
72
Raw Turnips11:42 p.m.
0.5
cup
18
Chicken Breast, Baked (Tyson) ...11:43 p.m.
10
oz
386.9
Almond, Raw11:44 p.m.
0.6
oz
98.3
Olive Oil (Bertolli)11:46 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
Sardine, Maine, Canned In Wate...11:47 p.m.
1.7
oz
130.4
Eggs, Whole11:47 p.m.
2
eggs
142
On Whey Protein Shake11:48 p.m.
1
tbsp
106.7
Harvest Berry, Frozen, Bag, Or...11:49 p.m.
0.5
cup
32.5
Coconut Oil (Hain)11:50 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
Mid-Morning
Qty
Unit
Calories
Lunch
Qty
Unit
Calories
Afternoon
Qty
Unit
Calories
Dinner
Qty
Unit
Calories
Evening
Qty
Unit
Calories
Total Calories: 1106.8
Calories 1106.8
Calories from Fat 458.9
Total Fat 51 g
Saturated Fat 11.3 g
Cholesterol 662.1 mg
Sodium 836.7 mg
Carbohydrate 37.9 g
Dietary Fiber 11.5 g
Sugars 15.6 g
Protein 136.8 g
Vitamin A 550.9 UI
Vitamin C 175.2 mg
Calcium 180.6 mg
Iron -2.2 mg
Here is how I plan to accomplish it for the next few days to get the scale moving again!
Qty
Unit
Calories
Raw Cauliflower11:41 p.m.
3
cup
72
Raw Turnips11:42 p.m.
0.5
cup
18
Chicken Breast, Baked (Tyson) ...11:43 p.m.
10
oz
386.9
Almond, Raw11:44 p.m.
0.6
oz
98.3
Olive Oil (Bertolli)11:46 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
Sardine, Maine, Canned In Wate...11:47 p.m.
1.7
oz
130.4
Eggs, Whole11:47 p.m.
2
eggs
142
On Whey Protein Shake11:48 p.m.
1
tbsp
106.7
Harvest Berry, Frozen, Bag, Or...11:49 p.m.
0.5
cup
32.5
Coconut Oil (Hain)11:50 p.m.
0.5
tbsp
60
Mid-Morning
Qty
Unit
Calories
Lunch
Qty
Unit
Calories
Afternoon
Qty
Unit
Calories
Dinner
Qty
Unit
Calories
Evening
Qty
Unit
Calories
Total Calories: 1106.8
Calories 1106.8
Calories from Fat 458.9
Total Fat 51 g
Saturated Fat 11.3 g
Cholesterol 662.1 mg
Sodium 836.7 mg
Carbohydrate 37.9 g
Dietary Fiber 11.5 g
Sugars 15.6 g
Protein 136.8 g
Vitamin A 550.9 UI
Vitamin C 175.2 mg
Calcium 180.6 mg
Iron -2.2 mg
Monday, January 30, 2012
Feeling blah!
Today was a so so day today as far as eating clean is concerned. I did eat relatively low carb but did end up overindulging on quest bars. Ate three of them in one sitting and that's on top of dinner of two eggs and a can of sardines with 1oz of nuts. Better day tomorrow!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
If I could select a movie title for my ever ongoing weight loss struggle what would it be?
Hmm, good question Vadim! So what is it? I think the best title for that movie would be Gone with the wind!!!
Every time the wind of change brings some challenging times into my life my weight and therefore my body start to suffer. For years I let my emotional demons, my insecurities and my worries dictate my choices. My choice of food, my choice of work, my choice of partners.
And if there was one thing I could change about myself it would be an ability to believe in myself and my Gods given abilities even when e storm of change comes around bringing winds of fear and unknown. My fat belly, my fat hips is not so much a result of overindulgence and love of junk food per say. It's the direct result of my inability to handle life's changes in a way that I would advice my friends to do. If I only treated myself and my own body as I would my friends or other people that I love and respect.
If I only could start honestly loving myself! After all I think I deserve it. If I honestly could describe the qualities I love about myself it would be a very very long list. Much longer then a list of things I don't. But somehow I chose to focus my subconscious mind on my shortcomings rather cherish my good ones. And I chose to feed my negative emotions instead of learn how to love myself, my body and my imperfections.
Hence all my insecurities and fears. I must change my thinking, both conscious and unconscious. I must nut run from my problems but face them head on. There is no escape in junk any more! It's time to change buddy!
My lovely friend shezug from the the other side of the country challenged me to come up with some sort of challenge for the upcoming week. And I did. I am challenging myself to eat clean low carb food without counting calories or any sort of measurements including scale. And I promised to blog every day. So it starts here. I want to change!
Every time the wind of change brings some challenging times into my life my weight and therefore my body start to suffer. For years I let my emotional demons, my insecurities and my worries dictate my choices. My choice of food, my choice of work, my choice of partners.
And if there was one thing I could change about myself it would be an ability to believe in myself and my Gods given abilities even when e storm of change comes around bringing winds of fear and unknown. My fat belly, my fat hips is not so much a result of overindulgence and love of junk food per say. It's the direct result of my inability to handle life's changes in a way that I would advice my friends to do. If I only treated myself and my own body as I would my friends or other people that I love and respect.
If I only could start honestly loving myself! After all I think I deserve it. If I honestly could describe the qualities I love about myself it would be a very very long list. Much longer then a list of things I don't. But somehow I chose to focus my subconscious mind on my shortcomings rather cherish my good ones. And I chose to feed my negative emotions instead of learn how to love myself, my body and my imperfections.
Hence all my insecurities and fears. I must change my thinking, both conscious and unconscious. I must nut run from my problems but face them head on. There is no escape in junk any more! It's time to change buddy!
My lovely friend shezug from the the other side of the country challenged me to come up with some sort of challenge for the upcoming week. And I did. I am challenging myself to eat clean low carb food without counting calories or any sort of measurements including scale. And I promised to blog every day. So it starts here. I want to change!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Where there is a will there is a way! God, I need your help!
I fell off again and hit the rock bottom yet again stuffing my face in junk. I have been eating my worries away. I don't know how I let it happen so fast. Addiction is a horrible disease. Before I knew it a week pass by , then another one and now I am back to 275 from 260 few weeks ago. I have had a hate and love relationship with my scale. I need to completely disassociate myself from scale and concentrate fully on eating for health. I owe it to myself, my family and my Mom! I promised it to her and she never thought I would deliver. And I didn't when she was still here but I have to do it. I am pushing 40, a very dangerous age for a man. My body was forgiven but how long can it forgive my abuse??? I must change!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
My marriage to medifast has ended!
After many attempts to reconcile our relationship I unilaterally decided to end my relationship with a great company called medifast. I spent thousands of dollars on this program but didn't manage to successfully follow through. And after thousands of dollars and wasted opportunities I have no other choice but call it quits. And the biggest reason being is that I can't simply afford any more. I was naive and stubborn into thinking I can make it work. But I couldn't. So losing my job seemed paramount sadness at the time and in this uncertain economy. But fear was always my biggest obstacle to overcome. Fear of dying prevented me from living fully, fear of failing prevented me from succeeding, fear of losing prevented me from gaining. So fear I must concur. And this is the next chapter of my life. I lost a job because I needed to start a new life. And hopefully it will be a blessing. As far as my diet is concerned I am going to the basics and employ my old friend low carb lifestyle. And it must be a lifestyle.
Current weight around 267 . I will blog more just to keep track and I hope I still have some following.
Current weight around 267 . I will blog more just to keep track and I hope I still have some following.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Dear blog!
Dear body of mine! I am deeply sorry for using you as an experiment and human trash machine. You did let me know on numerous occasions that you had enough but I refused to listen. And even after all this abuse you are still giving me a chance even though I feel I am running out of time and your patience threshold. Therefore I am really serious this time to do my ver best to treat you with respect and care that you so deserved over the years! I am really grateful to you for being so forgiven!
Dear God I made promise after promise to you and Mom that I kept breaking. I feel terrible about it. Please forgive me and give me strength to do what I know I need to do deep in my heart! Please save me from myself when I am on a wrong path and I need you more then ever! I know you create every human with purpose. I know that you don't create junk so I don't want to turn your creation into junk either. I ate tons and loads of junk over the years but with your guidance and Moms love I can do it!
Dear warriors, I thank you all for supporting me in my times of hardships and not giving up on me!
For the first time in a long time I managed to stay somewhat fully on plan yesterday! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaapy! I threw away my expensive Tanita scale. I mean I placed it visibly in the garbage so someone else may find a more productive use for it. I have wii that I will use from time to time to see where my weight is but I want other markers and most importunely my health to guide me in my journey as far as success goes. Thank you for being here!
I now weight 275 pounds! Horrible!
Yesterday I also found out that my unemployment application was denied which is a huge bummer given the market and amount of bills I have. Fortunately I will move in with my sister while renting my house to keep up with mortgage. It's tough but I wanna learn to cope with emotional pin by not abusing my body with junk. It doesn't help! Only gives you split minute instant gratification but then.......
For the first time in a very long time I was able to turn this bad news into something positive. Oh yeah, I felt weak and lost for a few minutes. Scared, off course. After all I do have an expensive new car lease, a mortgage and few credit cards payments that I must keep up with. I also need to pay for my dentis and health benefits. But I managed to collect myself and use the emotional pain of uncertainties and fear turn into a triumph of victory for at least one day. And if I can do it for one day, I can do it for two! And if I can do it for two I can keep on going until I do it daily in the name of health! It's worth much more then thenother alternative!
Dear God I made promise after promise to you and Mom that I kept breaking. I feel terrible about it. Please forgive me and give me strength to do what I know I need to do deep in my heart! Please save me from myself when I am on a wrong path and I need you more then ever! I know you create every human with purpose. I know that you don't create junk so I don't want to turn your creation into junk either. I ate tons and loads of junk over the years but with your guidance and Moms love I can do it!
Dear warriors, I thank you all for supporting me in my times of hardships and not giving up on me!
For the first time in a long time I managed to stay somewhat fully on plan yesterday! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaapy! I threw away my expensive Tanita scale. I mean I placed it visibly in the garbage so someone else may find a more productive use for it. I have wii that I will use from time to time to see where my weight is but I want other markers and most importunely my health to guide me in my journey as far as success goes. Thank you for being here!
I now weight 275 pounds! Horrible!
Yesterday I also found out that my unemployment application was denied which is a huge bummer given the market and amount of bills I have. Fortunately I will move in with my sister while renting my house to keep up with mortgage. It's tough but I wanna learn to cope with emotional pin by not abusing my body with junk. It doesn't help! Only gives you split minute instant gratification but then.......
For the first time in a very long time I was able to turn this bad news into something positive. Oh yeah, I felt weak and lost for a few minutes. Scared, off course. After all I do have an expensive new car lease, a mortgage and few credit cards payments that I must keep up with. I also need to pay for my dentis and health benefits. But I managed to collect myself and use the emotional pain of uncertainties and fear turn into a triumph of victory for at least one day. And if I can do it for one day, I can do it for two! And if I can do it for two I can keep on going until I do it daily in the name of health! It's worth much more then thenother alternative!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)