The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Kind of cruising alone on a semi-strict lower carb somewhat plan that seems to kind of give me a relative sort of break from compulsively obsessing about being perfect in a worll full of imperfection. I need to blog more often, but lately I have been stressed out, sleep deprived, sex- what????? somebody said sex, whats that? and on top of that all very drained emotionally. I need a vacation, a woman-girlfreind but I ll settle for just a woman, lol, not really I want a girlfriend and a companiona and a friend but I am too stubborn, too picky, too time deprived too old and too insecure. So I just need to work on getting my life on some kind of make sense route. Ok, that was a short blog. I will do a better job next time. Weight wise I lost a couple of pounds. So now I am at about 276 pounds ,thats a total loss of about 9-10 pounds in a few months. I ll take it. Hope you guys are doing better then I am.

Are we there yet?!

Sometimes I wonder how my brain really works, really?! I promised not to obsess with Medifast and try to follow it to a perfection. Why? Because it doesnt work for me! Its an excellent program but stress x two jobs x insane hunger patche at night x emotional demons= Medifast in a toilet! So what do I do? Do I finally admit to myself that I am a mature adult and not a stubborn teen who cant think rationally and rather thinks emotionally? No, I try and try and try again and again and again thinking this time is going to be different! And is it? Off course not, because insanity is a mentally retarded cousin of common sense. And I must be insane! I cant go on doing same things to only fail times and time again thinking I can and I will. I cant and I wont, at least for now, at least not in this physiologically and metabolically compromises shape I put my body in.


So I solemnly swear:

1. Not to weigh myself until March 31
2. Continue to eat Medifast meals but supplement it with unlimitted amount of low carb foods, preferably lean and green version
3. Blog more often

Weight= 281.5 pounds

Today I ate:

5 medifast meals= 550 cals: 75 grams protein and 6070 grams of carb minus 20 grams of fiber
10 oz or so grilled chicken with

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Past is history, future is mystery and today is a gift therefore we call it The Present! I dont know who said it but it is so wise and true. Well.... in my case I hope its true. I would never keep this blog going if I wasnt true to myself. I cant lie here. If for any other reasond then keeping a journal of my past failures. I had a bad weekend diet wise. Completely lost site of my weaknesses and let myself go indulging in horrific food choices. I cant dwell on it. Today is today and I am restarting my ever so long journey to health and fat loss. I am huuuuuuungry now even as I type this entry. However it is an amazing thing to be able to contain it during day time and totally succumb to it at home at night. There has to be an explantation as far as will power being there during the day and going on vacation during the night. Anyway, i decided to recommit to Medifast..agaaaaaain. I know, i know that insanity definition was taken from my life. But something tells me I can still do it. I will tweak it a bit off course along the way if I need to, but I still wanna see if I can do it right at least for a week. May be I really cant, may be i can but not now when I am so stressed at times and overwhelmed with many things including my mom's declining health and middle age crisis kind of thing. But I still believe..... I still believe in myself and despite all my past failures on many fronts I still know the final battle hasnt been lost yet. I gained weight during this past few days and now weigh 281.5 pounds.

Weight= 281.5 pounds


Today's food:

1. Medifast pomegrante whey shake= 90 calories
2. Medifat blueberry oatmeal= 110 calories
3. Medifast apple cinammon oatmeal= 110 cals
4. Medifast chocolate crunch bar = 110 cals
5. Medifast chocolate pancake ( my favorite 0 = 110 cals

+ one lean and green meal 3 eggs and spinach with mushrooms with low carb salad dressing = 300 cals

Total cals= 930 cals ; protein= 95 grams ; carbs= 75 grams fiber= 22 net carbs=53 grams

2 teaspoond canola oil= 100 cals

I got wii wii! Some good and bad news to share!

I did go to the BJ and bought me a Wii console with wii fit plus package. I am not much of a video game person at all but this thing is really really cool. I played lots of sports and I loved baseball and boxing. Funny thing happened last night/this morning. I played boxing with wii for about 6 minutes. I had a good time and the second I won the opponent got better and quicker and I really had to bounce and jab and dunk and hit and hit hard to win. After I did beat the guy down I was tired. Next day I felt this weird stiffness/pain in my back and shoulders. It was not pleasnat at all. I kept thinking in my head where I could have possibly hurt my back. finally after giving it some thought I attributed it to my laryngitis / cold I had been fighting with for about three weeks. Later that day a friend of mine called me on a phone. He is a licensed physically therapist. during our brief conversation I described my weird pain to him. He asked me if I was doing any physically activities prior or lifted anything heavy and I responded no. I totally dismissed Wii as a possible cause of my pain. After few minutes of interrogation I did recall my wii experience and told him about when all of a sudden I realized it. Yes, it was! So now I am a total believer! Wii does get your body moving and its awesome if one applies him or herself. This morning I was playing baseball and tennis and I loved it. Baseball totally rocks. I kept swinging the bat away for 20 minutes and i was totally out of breath. And to top it off I connected my Wii fitness plus board and did a few run/laps with an imaginary buddy dog. I was cooked in a few minutes of running in place. And it has a cool function called fitness bank credit where it gives fitness credit for exercising every day. How cool is that?!


As far as my diet goes the news is not good. Even though I do follow medifast during the day I cant seem to keep it going during the night hours at home. But I still managed to lose a few pounds even after eating everything during night hours. I was suprised. But I must get more discipline keeping the plan as it is meant to be. It is too expensive to just use it sporadically so hopefully I will concur the way to be more strict. I will still eat five medifast meals but instead of coming home and pig out I will stick to just liberal amount of low carb food. this way its a win win situation since Medifast is a low carb plan and gets you in ketosis. So being in ketosis and eating turkish bread fried in coconut oil with melted grilled cheese with a glass of milk at night isnt really smart is it?! Well hopefully I will mend that.

Weight= 276 pounds ( 4 pounds loss in three weeks or so)

You wii, I wii, we all wii for some good memory!

I think my blog journey migh have come to the end. I had managed to lose all my supporters, lol. And whos fault is that? Mine! I had a wonderful time bloggin in here and having found good people who are like minded in many ways and share my struggles with weight. I will still update it here and there so if you are still around, check it out periodically! Thank you for being there and rooting me on!

Update! Weight= 280 pounds I havent gained at least, lol!

Since Monday I am back on semi-medified Medifast plan. So far so good! I am eating five medifast meals and as much as protein as I feel like it. this change alone brought some very needed sanity. Instead of being obsessive about eating an extra bite of protein I decided to liberate myself from feeling guilty and eat as much protein as needed. I will however stay on plan as far as carbs. One major change for me that will in no doubt be challenging will be weighting only once a month! Period! My biggest detractor and weight loss hinder is scale. I am done, so done with weighting every day or even once a week. I simply will do my best and weigh once a month so this way even if I cheat or get offit will be easier to just dust off and start over. I must not let scale subotage my effort. We ll see how it goes.

Another thing I am contemplating is getting Nintendo Wii console with fitness plus . It looks like many people are overly excited about it and many even swear by it. Speaking of a game console have you checked out a new xbox 360 kinect console. Its awesome. And I am not even a big game person. But the new technology that Microsoft incorporated into new Xbox kinect is simply speechless. Its a combination of two video cameras and fourty sensor that scan your whole body allowing you becomeing a controller. And when you play games or do Biggest Looser game your whole body is involved instead of just using controller. Its awesome, but costs a little more then Wii and for my purposes might be simply unneccessary. But its cool. And it takes pictures of you while you dont expecxt it and saves them. It really is amazing.

New update!

I have been sick with a bad case of cold/bronchiati for the past week. So naturally my appetite wasnt there and I decided to use it to my advantage. So I gave a MEdifast one more good , old try. Sicne I have $500 worht of food, why not? First three days were a breezer, I even had to force myself to eat. And I lost about 6 pounds in the process. But today, thursday was much tougher. Thursdays are always a killer for me. But today I did something I hadnt been able to do for the looooooongest time and that is to manage cheating a bit without resorting to a guilt/binging all or nothing technique that soem of you might be familiar with. I did cheat today here and there. I ate tai chicken with grilled vegetables which in itself isnt bad, but I ate a ton of it. And later today I ate one samll yogurt because I was craving sweets. However I stopped myself from any further damage by breathing in and out and using reasoning instead of instant gratification. Was I pissed? Yes! I was inititally! After all I wanted to do a whole week without cheating. But a bit of cheating is much different from a looooooot of cheating, wouldnt you agree? So I still consider it a victory, a small one! I decided to update my progress weekly if there are any. I am still not certain what plan I will embark on. I think it might be a combination of Medifast and other low carb foods as needed.

Current weight= 280 pounds ( 5 pounds lost ) first time in many months!

Ok, my dear and valuable friends if I have any left, this is my plan!

If I listed all my plans and challenges and failures I would have to spend a day doing it. But this is not about my past failures, this post is about moving forward. In not so recent past I bought a lot of Medifast packages and I still have about $500 worth. I contemplated on attempting to do full version of Medifast agaaaaain but given my success record I am putting a stop to it. Its mind verses heart kind of deal. My heart still want to concur it but my mind knows better. I am not ready for that drastic change of pace. But here is what I am ready to do:


1. Release about 120 pounds of blubber that is killing me
2. Start walking again
3. Stop obsessing over being perfect since nothing about me is and that is not exactly a bad thing.
4. Get some kind of stress relief coping mechanism to prevent me from emotional eating
5. Keep a blog or journal on more consistent basis.


Here is the nutritional plan.

1. Alternate between Medifast semi-fasting day and an unlimitted paleo day to follow.
2. On down day, eat five Medifast meals
3. On up days eat unlimitted amount of fish, lean meats, vegetables, fruits and low fat dairy
4. On up days eat moderate amount of bitter chocolate, cheese and nuts if needed.
5. No bread, no grains and no porcessed carbs on up days.


That is it in a nutshell. My curernt weight= 284 pounds.