Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I have got to be kidding?! How is it all posible?
I have had rough couple of months. Not only did I gain about 20 pounds but I seem to have totally lost any grip or sense on my low carb routine. How did it all happen? Simply one day at a time, one instant gratification at a time and most importanly one emotion at a time. I have succumbed to carb again and it is ugly. Bread, pastires, ice cream. No excuses, I screwed up royally! And now looking back at it I want to know how to proceed, how to go forward. I seemed to be doing so great on the shake plan, finally. Except one thing, it gave me some weird, debilitating symptoms. It was IBS like plus panick attack and fatique all in one. I lost nice amount of weight but I had to stop, it was getting intolerable. Then I decided to go semi protein power- semi Paleo. Nope, no success there. I simply couldnt handle temptation of now overloading on fruits once I started eating them. I cant just eat one apple or one pear, nope. Its like kissing a woman once once you are aiming for a night of romance and lovemaking. Temptations! So I went back on Atkins. Nope, didnt last long. I was around food all the time, parties, parties, parties= temptations, temptation, temptation! And then it happened, I was overwhelmed at home, at work and semi-depression, semi-middle life crisis. semi-holiday-loneliness settled in. So there came a perfect storm. Holiday paries + temptations + semi-depression, semi-middle age crisis, semi-holiday-loneliness= ONE BIG FAT ASS! I am tired of excuses, I am tired of political correctness and I am tired of failures. But I am not tired of not giving up! Somehow I still believe! I must be nuts! So many times so many excuses so many no results and I still believe?! Yes people I do! Too many people gave up on me already, too many of them stopped belieing. But what they think of me shouldnt be my business. And the reason I was fat, and am fat that I did give a damn what people thought of me. NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE! My jewish guilt needs to go, my emotional eating needs to go, my sentimental nature needs to .., ok that can stay! So I must start fueling my body rather than feeding my emotions! I dont know where tomorrow will bring me, but as long as there is tomorrow I still believe!