Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I have got to be kidding?! How is it all posible?

I have had rough couple of months. Not only did I gain about 20 pounds but I seem to have totally lost any grip or sense on my low carb routine. How did it all happen? Simply one day at a time, one instant gratification at a time and most importanly one emotion at a time. I have succumbed to carb again and it is ugly. Bread, pastires, ice cream. No excuses, I screwed up royally! And now looking back at it I want to know how to proceed, how to go forward. I seemed to be doing so great on the shake plan, finally. Except one thing, it gave me some weird, debilitating symptoms. It was IBS like plus panick attack and fatique all in one. I lost nice amount of weight but I had to stop, it was getting intolerable. Then I decided to go semi protein power- semi Paleo. Nope, no success there. I simply couldnt handle temptation of now overloading on fruits once I started eating them. I cant just eat one apple or one pear, nope. Its like kissing a woman once once you are aiming for a night of romance and lovemaking. Temptations! So I went back on Atkins. Nope, didnt last long. I was around food all the time, parties, parties, parties= temptations, temptation, temptation! And then it happened, I was overwhelmed at home, at work and semi-depression, semi-middle life crisis. semi-holiday-loneliness settled in. So there came a perfect storm. Holiday paries + temptations + semi-depression, semi-middle age crisis, semi-holiday-loneliness= ONE BIG FAT ASS! I am tired of excuses, I am tired of political correctness and I am tired of failures. But I am not tired of not giving up! Somehow I still believe! I must be nuts! So many times so many excuses so many no results and I still believe?! Yes people I do! Too many people gave up on me already, too many of them stopped belieing. But what they think of me shouldnt be my business. And the reason I was fat, and am fat that I did give a damn what people thought of me. NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE! My jewish guilt needs to go, my emotional eating needs to go, my sentimental nature needs to .., ok that can stay! So I must start fueling my body rather than feeding my emotions! I dont know where tomorrow will bring me, but as long as there is tomorrow I still believe!


~Oct said...

I believe in you too!

Vadim said...


Harry/JP said...

Me too, Mr. V! :-)

I'm not sure if this will help or not but Mad's been doing an excellent job sticking with her program lately ... even while being surrounded by sweets and treats of every conceivable kind. I've been sticking to "my guns" too. No weight gain!

Mad's tried to lose weight for so long and now it's finally clicked! If I can do it and Mad can do it ... you can too! Never, never give up on yourself. What would have happened if we gave up before we succeeded? I think we all know the answer to that one! :-)

I'll be back around to cheer you on. Believe in yourself, dear friend. You can live up to the best parts of your personality. Trust and nurture the finer points of who you know you are. There's an abundance of goodness inside of you. I see it and so many others do also!

Vadim said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

SheZug said...

hmm, perhaps another challenge is in order? You, me, our own plans of choice. Rules: Continued weight loss and stick-to-itness. It is easy to overeat fruits on Paleo. I did it the first week or so, but that tapered off. I am limiting my fruit purchases to only certain ones.

So, want to do another blogger v. blogger challenge? I'm up for it if you are. I think we did pretty good on the shake plan until the stomach problems hit us. I still think it was something in the shakes for me since it stopped when I got back on real food.

Vadim said...

I hear challenge! oh boy stop me now! Absolutely! I am always up for a challenge. Lets go, start your engine lady, I have already started mine! I will blog about it today!