I have succumbed to temptation and let myself go agaaaaaaaaaaaain. I simply let it all lose for the holidays and look what happened! I gained looooootd of weight, and now had reached my highest weight in about 7 years. I am now at 243 pounds. But......
Screw guilt, shame and disappontment! I was talking to my ex-girlfreind last night. Ok, dont ask me why. She called me complaining and I was foolish enough to listen. I should have known better. That woman is scorpion and now I am starting to believe horoscope. I never did before but there is something to it. By the end of our conversation I reiterated all the reasons for us not to be together. I recently traded my car and got a new lexus. I do work hard and decided to indulge myself. I alwasy wanted one and why not if I can afford it. I am single, have two jobs and no girlfriend or children. Well, at least no gfriends. I am not 100 percent sure about children part. At least noone knocked on my door yet screaming Dad as of today! So Lexus I bought. Oh my God, the things came out of that woman mouth. Mind you, we are not together any more. We were for 4 years but no more, thanks the sky, Universe, God! She kept reminding me sarcastically about the crisis in the country. This is exactly what she said " I dont know if you heard yet, but there is a crisis in a country, so instead of buying expensive cars you should be saving for a rainy day! Say what! I went full force at that woman. First of all what business is it of anyones what i buy with my money. She is liberal, and I am somewhat conservative. Right there you know its not exactly match made in logic kingdom. Yes, there is economy downgrade going on in a country. But I for one do not call it ''Crisis". Crisis for me is whats going on in Uganda, Somali and parts of Nigeria. Crisis is when millions of hungry people die from starvation and women being raped and cut for organs. Those are crisis. But not here. What we go through is economic recession, a product of irresponsible consumers and greed of corporation. It is a great time to advance ones skills via education or otherwise. Yes, I completely understand there are lots of families with children who are struggling. Yes, there are people in there who need help and help they should get. But it is also a great time for reflections, analysis and corrective measures. If you get to point A without knowing how you gotten there, you are just as lost as if you had never gotten there in the first place. Bailing out companies to some degree to push economy forward is fine, but making sure whe understand how we had gotten here in the first place is the key!
So why am I even saying all of these? Very simple. There is a lot of similarities between economic recession and what I am going through. I am going through health recession. But again, no blame, no guilt, no looking back. I did screw royally in 2009 but still not to the point of no returns. So moving forward as I always do with my head still hung high. I am still the same person I was before and I still have qualitites I am proud of. And I am going to concur this weight issue once and for all. But until I do, here we go again! Looking forward but not forgetting the past. Here is how and what I need to do to change thingas around:
1.Diamond rule: Love and respect your body, no harsh words, no name calling!
2. Golden rule: Accept that I am a sugar addict and: One is too many while 100 is not enough. So create a plan of allowable comfort low carb cheat food in case of emotional demons attack.
3. Silver rule: Plan, plan, plan!
4. Bronze rule: Ditch the scale for two weeks at a time and only weight once ever two weeks.
That is it! And as always thanks to all who stood by me in 2009! It wasnt an easy year for me with lots of ups and downs, mostly downs. But I am still grateful for it and all it brought. Happy and Healthy 2010 and may it bring happiness, health and lots of dreams come true!