Oh boy Oh boy! Insanity, Insanity is knocking on my door again!

I dont know what to do at this point. I failed miserably again. And this time not only did I get off the protein shake plan, I went off the low carb period. I did eat cookies, bread and other junk. And in all in all gained 8 pounds in the process. One thing I do know at this point is that I cant get emotional about it. I will instead keep analizing my mistakes and see what the culprits are and how to correct them. Last night I was desperate and was contemplating on quiting. I really thought about putting the end, throw the white flag and admit I just cant do it at this point. I still might, but not yet. I know its all psychological. But it has been long time coming and I must concur it. Dr Mike new plan asks for only two weeks sucrifice before embarking on 4 weeks of all you can eat meat part. So its only two weeks of endurance, liver cleansing and calorie restrictions. But boy oh boy is it tough. And the toughest part of me is not actually restricting cals but restricitng my reaction every time I deviate a bit. Every time I eat something extra even though its low carb I feel like the biggest failure and just go off alltogether. Thats the hardest part for me. I must do things 100 percent as prescribed or else I feel like the weakest and most failed person. I know its the head thing and I might admit at this point I might have a bit of obsesive-compulsive behaviour. But there has to be a way to just do it! And I am still looking. But what I leanrnt so far is that even if I do fail again I wont go off low carb. No way, it is just way too taxing on my body. I will just eat low carb instead. But for now the show must go on!

Attempt # 7 was no different than previous 6! It came to an early demise! Attempt #8 is coming up tomorrow!

Ok, it was over before it even bagun. Fine! I did manage to screw it up royally this time! But not to worry, I am not upset or delusional about it. I know how to tweak it now or at least I believe I do. My problem is not that I cant sustain it, my problem is night eating. I am pretty much back to my crazy night shifts. I am running around like a rooster without a head all day long, so eating and overeating is not a problem. And protein shakes work perfectly. They are both convenient and satisfying. The problem arises at night again when I hit the comfy demain of my bedroom. My cat jumps on me, I turn on my favorite sitcome and I am relaxed. Then when hunger hits me, raising its ugly head, tickling my mind and saying " Hey fat boy, its me again, your hunger. Get up and feed me and you know there is no way you can say no! I neeeeeeeed to learn how to say NO to hunger! I am a perfectinist by nature, its eather 100 percent effort to a T or all hell breaks loose and hold me if you can or hide the food! I cant believe I am still even talking about my demons. So the only effective way I know how to combat it was to eat liberally and eat when hungry. That meant success. I wouldnt eat much in a day time, but would something at night, not a lot just enough. And now that I cant eat what I want makes me rebelious on subconscious level. So here is a plan! I will go at it again and again and again until I succeed. End of story!

What is it about restricitons that brings about defiance?

Ok, I have decided to proceed with two weeks of protein shakes and one meal plan. I knew going in it was going to be tough. If it wasnt I would have been able to complete it by now. I have tried it numerous times to no avail. Each and every time it was a psychological struggle much more than a physical one. I naturally do not like restriciton! And anything that restricts my freedom, be it nutrition wise or anyhting else, makes me resist it on subconscious level. One of the most attractive feature of the low carb lifestyle is an ability to eat liberally without counting calories. And it gives you freedom. Yes, from time to time we need to vary even the low carb lifestyle, but as far as eating to satisfaction, there is no problem there. Protein shakes and one meal plan as described in Dr Eades new book is both challenging and rewarding! But boy is it tough! And I went off the low carb few days before allowing myslef to eat food that I knew wasnt good for me. Low carb is a prescribed philosophy and it is a lifestyle. There is no need for us to get off of it in order to cheat. But going on a more restricted two weeks of protein shakes makes my subconscious mind rebel. And it does rebel by wanting to eat junk in anticipation of upcoming punishment.Therefore I dont believe in protein shakes only, at least for long term. The whole reason low carb is successful for people like me is that I dont have to restrict myself calories wise. So with Gods help and my resolve I will be finishing these two next week of an old challenge so I can have some closure! It has been way too personal! I finished day one today! First day, first check. I wanted to videotype my journey but will not be able to do it due to lack of time and quite frankly lack of energy. By the time I come home I dont have it in me to videotape it. But I will eventually get to it as promised!

3 protein shakes
2 turkey hot dogs
2 tablesppons avocado

I am back!

I am totally back! This Sunday should be the day when I totally retry my protein shake and one meal plan again. Who would have thought that my plan which was the whole theme of this blog would be the exact plan Dr Eades created for his first two weeks in his new book. I mean its that much similar! So if I was doubtful even a week ago about giving it another shot, I am no more. I am giving it another shot! And this time it should be on video tube like youtube to document it every day, struggles and all! I have no illusion about it. It will be tough, it will be boring, and it will be long. But the most important thing to know that it Will Be! I am back baby, so do not try to stop me now! And to my dear female friend who thought men are weaker, I say loud and clear again " No female will ever beat in any competitive activity, diet or not! The only thing they will ever beat me in is diaper changing, an art of seduction and thats about it! So there I said it women, deal with it! I am baaaaaaaack!

What is a man to do?

To do or not to do, that is a question of the day! Well, as you all know, all 3 of my followers, I challenged myself at least 5 times to finish a program composed of 5 protein shakes and one wholesome meal. To my own dismay and to others as well, that program came to early demise and each and every time. Until one day I decided to man up and quit. Yes, it is manly at times to just admit your faults and weaknesses and throw in a towel! All was nice and dandy until one day an evil female friend of mine happened to read my blog. She decided I was way too weak and knowing my never ending competetive nature decided to challenge me. And she did. She embarked on my own program, yes created by me, organized by me and finished it with flying colors loosing around 25 pounds within 4 weeks peroid. Not only did she successfully completed it but also started to get under my skin by rubbing it in my face. I was holding up just fine, ok almost fine. I kept insisting that I grew up and I am not a teenager any more. But........... not all is well in Vadim's nutritional Kingdom any more. I cant sleep well knowing that a woman beat me! I am in no way, shape or form a sexist, but I dont believe in loosing to a woman in anything! Here you go I said it. The only field a woman should be able to beat me is kneeding, diaper changing and seducing! Other then that I am a man who doesnt take loosing lightly especially from females. So here is my dilemma! What would be a more manly thing to do? Should I just grow up and admit she beat me to the curb or should I rise above my weakness and take one for a men team and prove to my best friend that this man will beat any woman in any comptetetive sport given same conditions. Please advice!

Have you guys ever felt confused even on low carb?

Here is a funny joke I hope to translate. I am sure every contry has a region thats made fun of, in Russia it was Georgia. Georgia was southern part of Soviet union sitting high above the sea level in the midst of the beautiful Caucus. Georgians were known for their spicy personalities, love for women and great wine. and very funny toasts, jokes and stories. Here is one I would lie to share with you that illustrates the state of confusion even while being on the low carb lifestyle. damn I still keep saying that word "diet" which I dont mean. it must be still engraved in my subconcsious mind. Ok, now to my joke and my point: A Georgian man talking to another person sitting next to him at the wedding: Hey, i have been to many, many, many weddings but this one is by far the most unusual. Everything is so confusing. I cant even figure out if the bride is he or is it she? The person sitting next to him replies: You damn fool, this bride is my beautiful daughter and if you dont apologize i will personally stick a sharp knife right into your stupid head! I am deeply sorry sais the man, and i didnt know you are the bride's father! I think you truly want to die , I am the bride's mother! Confusions, confusions, confusions! I have recently started researching paleolithic lifestyle again and stumble upon Art Deveny. That man looks better at 71 than I looked at 5. He is doing soemthing right. So I started researching his lifestyle and listening to his interviews, including one he recently did with Jimmy Moore. I like his message. he does advocates a lot of intresting things. I also noticed that few of our beloved bloggers such as Sadekat and Erika started experimenting with modifying their lifestyles in relentless attempt to find a prefect plan. But does it exist? Does a perfect diet exist, does a perfect man or woman exist? I say no, because we are imperfect creatures living in imperfect world! But rather than saying perfect we say the word right! Right man, right woman and right diets do exist! So ita all about finding the right one whatever it might be! I once dated a woman whos voice was deeper than a horse in labor, her strenth was that of the Hercules but her heart was the size of the universe. She was the perfect one for me at that time! So its all relative said my brother einstein and I agree with him!

The longest distance in the entire universe is that from one's head to the heart!

My dear, dear readers! Do I still have some of you out there? If you are around come by and say hi! Well, Life has been very challenging for me lately. All my life I was kind of protected, shelled from dispair, misery or tragedies. I would contemplate few different scenarious in my head, but that would be as far as I would experience it, just in my head. I had always been kind of care-free, live for today kind of guy. And reality of life was one that was relatively happy, peaceful and predictable. Did I have adversaties? Sure. But did I handle them well? Well, not really. I alwasy thought adversaties were just like a potholes. You try to avoid them at all cost but if you do hit them in the middle of the road, just ignore them and go on with the rest of the trip. Not for a minute I would start thinking about adversaties in a way that others do. May be adversaties are given to us or created to us to either learn from them or is a way of Life to seek our attention. Kind of like a symptom is a a warning sign that not everything is so rosy in ones's castle. Well, to be continiued! My boss just called me into her office so I have to rush but I ll be back. I promised to do a vide blog and I will. Its coming and its coming very soon, hopefully today. Stay tuned my friends and I will update you on whats going on with my mom, myslef and my adversaties! But all I can tell you now is that I am growing up. A bit late at 37 but thats the road I chose.