Thursday, September 17, 2009

Oh boy Oh boy! Insanity, Insanity is knocking on my door again!

I dont know what to do at this point. I failed miserably again. And this time not only did I get off the protein shake plan, I went off the low carb period. I did eat cookies, bread and other junk. And in all in all gained 8 pounds in the process. One thing I do know at this point is that I cant get emotional about it. I will instead keep analizing my mistakes and see what the culprits are and how to correct them. Last night I was desperate and was contemplating on quiting. I really thought about putting the end, throw the white flag and admit I just cant do it at this point. I still might, but not yet. I know its all psychological. But it has been long time coming and I must concur it. Dr Mike new plan asks for only two weeks sucrifice before embarking on 4 weeks of all you can eat meat part. So its only two weeks of endurance, liver cleansing and calorie restrictions. But boy oh boy is it tough. And the toughest part of me is not actually restricting cals but restricitng my reaction every time I deviate a bit. Every time I eat something extra even though its low carb I feel like the biggest failure and just go off alltogether. Thats the hardest part for me. I must do things 100 percent as prescribed or else I feel like the weakest and most failed person. I know its the head thing and I might admit at this point I might have a bit of obsesive-compulsive behaviour. But there has to be a way to just do it! And I am still looking. But what I leanrnt so far is that even if I do fail again I wont go off low carb. No way, it is just way too taxing on my body. I will just eat low carb instead. But for now the show must go on!


~Oct said...

You can do this Vadim ... and every small victory, even if it isn't a scale victory, will make you stronger and stronger. I can totally relate to OCD because I think I have a touch of that too ... in my case I put it to work for me rather than allowing it to sabotage me. I make small promises to myself and because of the OCD I have it wrapped in my head that breaking one of those small promises will cause something bad to happen while keeping the promise insures that luck will at least not be against me. I keep the promises very small (like today's promise is that I will not have peanut butter today). It's both something easy to keep and yet also tough because I would like to have peanut butter today. Since it is just today I can keep the promise knowing that tomorrow I CAN have it if I want to. But after succeeding today I will be stronger tomorrow. So you can do it is my point. One little victory at a time will slowly form you into what you want to be.

Anonymous said...

Have you tried just going on the Atkins diet? There are no "shakes" involved, you just keep your carbs under 20 a day for a week..and after that you stay at around 40. The weight comes off automatically, though sometimes slowly. (And...there are plenty of low carb breads and cookies to try, no need to ruin things for a treat, just FIND the low carb things!) When Angie was talking about eating cheesecake at night, she meant the low carb cheesecake she makes herself. Heck I could eat half a whole cheesecake and wake up 2 lbs thinner, its really that easy. But the thing is, the cheesecake is SO filling, you probably wouldnt want to eat half. But yes, you COULD.

I have not yet tried the 6 week cure, though I guess that could jump start me again, but I dont know if I could just have shakes for breakfast and lunch. I much prefer that I have a low carb lifestyle, not a "diet".
I have heard from various people that until you are well established in a low carb lifestyle, that the 6 week cure would be difficult for you, especially because of the shakes being a meal replacement. Many people need to CHEW something! I'd much rather have an omelet for breakfast, a big salad with some chicken for lunch and a steak for dinner!
You havent failed your lifestyle, you just deviated from it for a short while. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. You will succeed eventually! If the 6 week cure is not for you, its not for you. It is not the end all be all of diets.

Harry/JP said...

Just think of it this way: What's more likely to bring about your desired result? Continuing to experiment and attempting to succeed? Or, hoping it will happen on it's own?

This was just another attempt to succeed. The significance is that you're not giving up. And the solution will more easily be found as you continue to search for it. Very few treasures are simply dropped on our laps.

Dust yourself off and try, try again! :-)

Vadim said...

October, thank you so much for your input. It truly helps to know that you are not a freak of nature and that there are others out there who might be going through what you are or did at one point of their lives. Your advices and support is truly appreciated. Harry, you are indeed a friend! I know that no matter how hard I fall you always encourage me to go on. Like a good coach you atill believe in me after knowing me and my demons for so long. For that I tip my hat to you, friend! Nancy, I am so happy you stumbled upon my blog. I have done Atkins in the past and quite honestly it works the best for me. But shake plan and me go back many months and it is personal. I dont want to do it for the weight losss, although it would be helpful. I mostly want to be able to do it because number one: I challenged myself almost a year ago and number two: my best friend who is a girl beat me to it. Where I come from you simply do not let a woman beat you, period! I hope you are still around after reading it. No, I am not a sexist in any way, shape or form. But I was brainwashed since young boy not to ever be weak or give up. In russia, Siberian russia that is you dont quit. otherwise you become an outsider. Respect is earned through hard work and perceverence. I once cried and was beaten up in school for it. So I grew up having confused thoughts. On one hnad i know I can be sensitive and emotional and caring but on the other I sabotage myself when I am. Call it identity crisis at this point! May be thats where my compulsive obsessive behavior comes from. I always had to prove to a lot of people in my life that I am tough even though I wasnt at times. And even though I am an adult now, its hard to let go. Thats why I failed in relationships just as badly as I did in weight loss! Every time I allow my nature to be, I scold and punish myself. Boy, this was not meant to be a post length but I felt Nancy you needed to know a bit more about me to understand where I am coming from. But no matter what I am still optimistic and hopeful that one day I will be comftable who I am, that is if I know who I am off course! But for now like Sr Herry will say " Lets keep it going! So going I am!

Angie said...

Vadim - You can do this! I think it's great that you decided to just eat low carb food if and when you get hungry... Now that is a PLAN that you can stick to and not go crazy with hunger pangs.

Don't forget to keep us posted!