Day 4 and circumcision!

Day 4 was quite tiring, adventurous and tiring. I had to juggle my day between going to the hospital, food shopping and circumcision ceremony for my best friends new born son. I made my shakes with a new protein powder called Myofusion that I bought from netrition. It was quite good but contained a bit more carbs than other brands so I skipped on frozen berries. I did make a mistake and mixed my shakes with few spoons of cacao. I am starting to believe I am allergic to cacao. And I totally forgot that cacao is not allowed on first two weeks of the plan. Oh well! I made a boobooo. But instead of panicking and blowing the diet altogether as I might have done previously I just continued through my day. I think something amazing has been happening so far. I am not a perfectionist on this plan/ Before I would just be so pissed even going off a bit, but now I totally changed my way at least for now. Later in a day I went to observe my best friends son circumcision ceremony and witnessed both of my best friends crying hysterically. It was very emotional for them letting a stranger coming in the house and cause pain to the baby. So 10 minutes into the ceremony I started having stomack cramps and kind of burning sensation throughout my body. Soon after my heart rate was up in the 150 range and I started sweating profusely. I had experienced it before and tried to calm myself down. I knew it was partially a panic attack. I dont know what precipitates what, is it my IBS symptoms triggering panic attack or the other way around. But soon after it subsided, thanks God. If any of you guys ever experienced panic attack in the midst of 100 people in the room with no room to escape, it is not a good feeling. The ceremony was in the living room and the only way I could have escaped was to ask the Rabbi move the baby and the table for me to go outside. oops, wouldn't that be something! So I had to collect myself even though it is extreamly hard. When my body panics I have racing thoughts of impendign doom and all I want to do is just move around not stay still. Staying still makes it always worth. But it did go away even though it was so unpleasant for at least 10 minutes or so. Once I was able to go outside I felt much, much better! I did have to cheat las night. I mean I could have said no but I didnt. It is an absolute must to drink wine at the end of the ceremony. So I did a little. Then I had to drink few shots of vodka to my friends health. If i said no. I would be beheaded, lol! Before it spiraled out of control I slipped out of the party. But my friend caught me. I did however leave and spared myself more troubles. So instead of feeling a sense of failure I felt proud. I said to myself " Yes, I did go off a bit today but instead of totally blowing it, I just made sure to continue from where I left off. Overall it was ok!


12 pm- Power up chocolate shake


4 pm- Power up chocolate shake


7 pm- 2 oz of turkey breast, 2 oz of cheese, 1 oz of butter, 2 oz of salami 2 small shots of vodka and a sip of wine



11 pm- Power up chocolate shake

10 glasses of water, multivitamins.

A bit of an update! Day 3!

I was planning to do a video blog on my journey for the longest time, however now with my mom being sick and in the hospital I am really pressing for time. But with God's help and my resolve I will do it sooner than later. There is a good news, not very good news and potentially bad news. Good news I am still hanging tight on the 6 weeks cure plan and for me surviving it for 4 days is truly big! I might have deviated a bit here or there but overall I have been right on! Not so good news that my Mom has been admitting in the hospital and is in a lot of pain. They are trying to rule out bowel obstruction or bowel seperation. Even morphine is not that effective at this point. However her tumore shrunk a bit so thats good. Potentially it could be from a life threatening bacteria which the hospital is trying to rule out. Hopefully, it is not and its just a bad inflammation. But time will show! I have a question for all of you guys who might read this. What kind of protein are you using and why? I started reading up a lot of research on whey protein and there is mixed reviews on whey protein I am using. Mine is Isopure 0 carb whey isolate which I like despite lots of people saying it tastes nasty. I read that J Rob whey protein that Sadekat is using is the best, but it is soooooooooooooooo expensive. It supposedly uses BCG free milk from organic cows and is all natural. But it is so expensive it would destroy my budget. it literally 10 times more expensive than other brand. I dont know, I know its probably worth it. Anyway, here is what I ate last night which was day 3 technically!


12 pm- Very berry Power up shake

4 pm- Very verry Power up shake


8 pm- Very berry Power up shake

11 pm- 5 oz of smoked salmon, 2 oz of chevre cheese, 2 Tbs of avocado or 3, didnt measure it


Lots of water, about 12-16 cups! I dont have a lot of time playing with my shakes. i usually do the whole batch early in the morning, keep it in the thermos and sip it all day long. I usually mix it up with 1-1.5 cups of Blue Diamond Breeze Almond milk+ 2-4 oz of heavy cream+ 6 scoops of Isopure protein+ 1 Tbsp of flax seed oil or fish oil+ 2 cups of ice+ 1 cup of mixed frozen berries and whaloooooa thats it and I use that batch for the whole day!

Day 2, I wish it was 14!

I was managing well until later tonight. I am huuuuuuuuuungry. And I did exhuast my food supply for the day. I am planning to just bear with it. I dont want to get an additional food but if I really yhave to I will. It will be something very reasonable, like another protion of meat or hot dog. Better than feeling guilty and blow it all together. So far it has definitely been a challenge, no questions about it. But so far, so good! I will keep my fingers crossed and my devils at bay. I am still a big boy and I do work out with weights so it might be ok for me to add a little bit extra food in case of emergency hunger. And I dont think that is cheating. I asked dr Eades and he said it would be totally fine. But aghain I want to stick to the plan and just ride this thing through for two weeks. After all I had been planning to do it for almost a year now. And no success after so many tries. But for some reason I do believe I can do it now. Sadekat, I am still holding on. Its getting tighter but I am doing it. It reminds me of that Biggest Looser comptetition where they make stand on one leg and see who can do it the longest.So far so good!


12 pm- Strawberry Power up shake


4 pm- Blueberry Power up shake


10 pm- 3 eggs with 2 turkey hot dogs, 1 Tbsp avocado and 1/2 cup of sauteed mixed vegetable


12 am- Blueberry Power up shake


Ton of water! I am huuuuuuuuuuuungry!

Today seemed to be a culmination of the past few days. I have kept my feelings totally hidden and it totally backfired on me. I felt like a cooker pressure with the whole world comin in on me. Last night seeing my Mom in such an excruciating pain and not being able to do a damn thing about was simply killing me from inside out. At one point the world was to believed to be flat or held by four elephants. Well, since the beginning of my life my Mom was those four elephants. She has been my best friend, my source of inspiration and I love her so very much. I am totally unequipped when it comes to seeing her being so fragile and weak. She had always been such a strong woman, a total backbone of the whole family. I never considered myself a momy's boy and she didnt spoil me even though I am the youngest one. Yes she still does treat me as a baby, but what mom doesnt! And yes my dad always said I am still on my mom's breast, lol, but I disagree! I and my father never got along. I love him a lot but we never see eye to eye on anything. He ran away from his mom's house when he was 13 and has been on his own ever since. But times were different then, it was in the midst of World War 2 and hunger. So he is a total survivor, a total maverick. Last night I and him had an altercation and he called me a disappointment. I felt crushed! He said had I had a family now and kids my mom would have probably be more at peace! I ran out of the house and for the first time in two years felt like smoking again! But I didnt and damn proud of it! But all that I had spinnining in my head were the words of my father! I felt like I had failed not only him but my ex-girlfriend who aborted my kid blaming me for it, my mother for not being a better son, my job. I just wanted to disappear! I never felt more lonely in my life. I was angry at myself, at my dad, at god at the whole wide world! I had the biggest urge to just drive away in a far, far away and start my life from scratch. But I knew it wouldnt happen, and plus its very difficult to run away from oneself! So this morning, being sleep deprived and mentally drained I created a perfect storm where my body just gave up! But I am now prepared to finally see professional help. I cant deal with it alone. For the longest time I kept denying help and postponing it. Where I come from its considered a total sign of weakness and despair. But screw stupid stereotypes and prejudices, I am not a teenager any more even though I do act like one at times. Again, I want to thank you for your support and care in this difficult time. This is what happened today. I had a total nervous break down! But I still pushed on with the program and managed to do fine on day 1 of blogger vs blogger chgallenge/


My starting weight= 227 pounds! I will take measurements tomorrow! I also had a flue shot today, never had it before.

Here is what I ate:

1 pm- 3 boiled eggs with 3 hot dogs and small tomato


4 pm- blueberry power up shake


7 pm- blueberry power up shake


9 pm- power up shake


Lots of super green cranberry tea for Trader Joe which I happen to like a lot. It didnt list caffeine as ingredient even though it might have some. But its really good.

Another challenge??????? What? Are you crazy?

Yes, I am challenging myself again! I have failed at challenges and if you havent noticed yet, I am still doing them. Why? Its a long story and I will explain one day. But today..... Today is another day and another challenge. And someone is joining me in this ordeal! Yes, my fellow blogger Sadekat is jumping on board with me to finish or start two weeks of Dr Eades 6 weeks cure! I have tried it few times and each time I failed! So this is another time but with a more exciting twist! So here we go again! Blogger vs Blogger, Man vs Woman, East coast vs West coast! Who will it be? Sadekat, you are on girl! But in the end its all love in here so we are doing it for love! We are doing it for love of our bodies and for love of our weaknesses. As one wise man once said: where would one be has he not had weaknesses? Bring it on, bring it on!

How come are you still single?

It might be a bit off subject, but then again it is not. Because the very subject of this blog is to grow, learn and accept. What is a weight loss without finding oursleves? Is the weight loss a simple manifestation of something else going on? May be much deeper than we are, something on a level that a naked eye cant see or the ego cant understand? I think it is! We go on diets, we get off of them. Then we change it to the word lifestly thinking it might be the lifesaving technique. But it is isnt until we learn who we are and where we should be and how to get there and finally accept and love who we are not who we think we should be or who others want us to become. One man smartly said that what other people think of you is non of your business! I love that saying! So going back to original question " How come am I still single?' My ex asked me that very question tonight after I spent 3 hours on the phone consoling her. She is an extraordinary girl and I have dated her for 4 years which was an all time record. Mind you, she hasnt been with anyone for more than 6 months in all of her 110 years, lol, kidding 35 years! So despite our tremendous differences I still stuck by her until day it had become obvious we werent going to make it as a couple. But I did everything I could to save our relationship and make something of it that it wasnt. Ok, fast forward to today. She has been dating another guy, who is a lawyer by trade and makes a lot of money just as she does. She is a financial investor on Wall Stree. That was a big issue between us, she could never accept my satisfaction with my job. But I could care less. I was who I was and wasnt going to budge it. She thought I was a philosopher whos idea of happiness was sitting by the fire watching the stars and play my guitar, and she was right. Our values were day and night. She was way too materialistic or me and I was way too spiritual for her. Fast forward to today. She called me and I asked me a question " why, despite of all I ever wanted, I am still depressed and feel empty? I off course joked first and said that it was because she was missing me. But coming to my senses i responded that may be thats not what she wanted, but thought so because others instilled it in her. We had a long conversation and she finally said " Ok, if you are so special as you are, how come you are still single? I paused and than told her a story that I once heard my mother tell me. There was a rich, intelligent man whos looks and charms left no woman indiffrent. He was perfect, one woman said, he is so rich another whispered and he is so darn sexy third one exclaimed! He was passing alone and one of them asked him " Sir with all your attrbutes how come are you still single? Well, started the man, all my life I was looking for a perfect woman. And I eventually found her! We stayed together for a while and she left me! Left you, how is that possible? Because she was looking for a PERFECT MAN! So in this story my mother once told me, lies a lot of wisdom. At times we look for a perfect mate, a perfect job or a perfect diet when in reality there is none. Life itself is not perfect and thankfully so. Once I heard that the most expensive things in life are our mistakes! But it could also be a blessing! So may be when we stop looking for perfection around us and in ourself we will trully find happiness! BTW I blew my 6 weeks again, si I am taking a bit of a break to regroup! No regrets, no sorry for myself feeling, just acceptance. I am accepting who I am, good and bad, because I am who I am and who I am is a creation of a perfect being! So until we meet again, Thank you and God bless you!


P.S. My mother is and will always be my best friend, my mentor and my ideal model of a woman! And not because she is my mother but because she is trully a special and unique woman. She has always been just, brave and loving! I have never remember my mother putting me down or not believing in me. Yes, she scolded me and yes she put me in my place, but she would always remind me that she loves me and she will always cheer me on as long as I am doing the right thing. And the right thing she said is in your hearts already! Love you mom and may God keep you around for many, many years because you are just that special!

Back to square one!

I had a rough week recently and did slip off the plan. My Mother had a setback with her chemotherapy and was not tolerating new chemo very well. It put a lot of stress on me and my sister to see her suffer so much. For all of you who dont know my mother is going through a lot. She has been diagnosed with metastasized colon cancer, probably 4 st stage with possible spread to the lungs. She does have a huge mass in the liver. She had a surgery to implant a pump through her hepatic artery to feed chemo directly to the tumor cite. But she developed some post surgery complications and it took her much longer to recover. Then her surgeon came out and told me that if chemo doesnt work she has only few motnhs to live. That was sucha bummer considering how much my mom means to me. She has always been my best friend and life without her is like living without a sun! But I will not let this tumor get her donw and we will fight it to the best of both of our abilities. Its easier said than done and it is much more difficult for her than all of us. So recently her oncologist added another chemo drug that made her feel so lousy she needed hoospitalization. But again we will do our very best and I am ever so hopeful she can come out of it! Unfortunately that took some toll on my diet again. Off course it would be an excuse and i would never even think of using my failures on my mom's sickness. Life happens to all of us and it is our determintation and resolve that seperates loosers from winners and men from boys. So I havent grown up yet as far as this challenge goes. That being said i am not giving up! Back to square one and today was my first day being back on 6 weeks cure challenge! it was tough as I am still struggling to keep my emotional eating in check and my physilogical hunger at night. But its one day at a time!


1 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia


5 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia


10 pm- Isopure whey protein( 2 scoops)=
2 TBSP of heavy cream 1/2 cup of frozen strawberries=
1 scoop of Amazing chocolate super greens
1/2 tsp of flavored flaxseed oil
1 packet stevia

12 am- 2 eggs and 3 beef hot dogs