Monday, October 5, 2009

Day 4 and circumcision!

Day 4 was quite tiring, adventurous and tiring. I had to juggle my day between going to the hospital, food shopping and circumcision ceremony for my best friends new born son. I made my shakes with a new protein powder called Myofusion that I bought from netrition. It was quite good but contained a bit more carbs than other brands so I skipped on frozen berries. I did make a mistake and mixed my shakes with few spoons of cacao. I am starting to believe I am allergic to cacao. And I totally forgot that cacao is not allowed on first two weeks of the plan. Oh well! I made a boobooo. But instead of panicking and blowing the diet altogether as I might have done previously I just continued through my day. I think something amazing has been happening so far. I am not a perfectionist on this plan/ Before I would just be so pissed even going off a bit, but now I totally changed my way at least for now. Later in a day I went to observe my best friends son circumcision ceremony and witnessed both of my best friends crying hysterically. It was very emotional for them letting a stranger coming in the house and cause pain to the baby. So 10 minutes into the ceremony I started having stomack cramps and kind of burning sensation throughout my body. Soon after my heart rate was up in the 150 range and I started sweating profusely. I had experienced it before and tried to calm myself down. I knew it was partially a panic attack. I dont know what precipitates what, is it my IBS symptoms triggering panic attack or the other way around. But soon after it subsided, thanks God. If any of you guys ever experienced panic attack in the midst of 100 people in the room with no room to escape, it is not a good feeling. The ceremony was in the living room and the only way I could have escaped was to ask the Rabbi move the baby and the table for me to go outside. oops, wouldn't that be something! So I had to collect myself even though it is extreamly hard. When my body panics I have racing thoughts of impendign doom and all I want to do is just move around not stay still. Staying still makes it always worth. But it did go away even though it was so unpleasant for at least 10 minutes or so. Once I was able to go outside I felt much, much better! I did have to cheat las night. I mean I could have said no but I didnt. It is an absolute must to drink wine at the end of the ceremony. So I did a little. Then I had to drink few shots of vodka to my friends health. If i said no. I would be beheaded, lol! Before it spiraled out of control I slipped out of the party. But my friend caught me. I did however leave and spared myself more troubles. So instead of feeling a sense of failure I felt proud. I said to myself " Yes, I did go off a bit today but instead of totally blowing it, I just made sure to continue from where I left off. Overall it was ok!

12 pm- Power up chocolate shake

4 pm- Power up chocolate shake

7 pm- 2 oz of turkey breast, 2 oz of cheese, 1 oz of butter, 2 oz of salami 2 small shots of vodka and a sip of wine

11 pm- Power up chocolate shake

10 glasses of water, multivitamins.


Angie said...

Vadim... I'm so glad that you deviated a LITTLE and did not just decide to totally "blow" the day... That is HUGE progress and you should be VERY proud!

Oh, and having had panic attacks myself... OMG I totally know how you must have felt!

My worst one was DURING a written-exam for my American Literature class... To those who do not suffer from panic, they are so lucky... but they will never understand how freakin horrible it is.

Great job!

Anonymous said...

Way to go, Vadim!


Harry/JP said...

This sounds like definite progress to me, Vadim. I think you should indeed feel proud of yourself!

Onward to day 5!

Anonymous said...

wait, cocao isn't allowed? I've been using it! I didn't get to read the book this weekend.

Maybe tonight I can read a little.

Caroline said...

Wow, sorry to hear about the panic attack, and the bris :(.

I am a psychology student, and a panic attack and an anxiety attack are physiologically the same thing. The only difference is, an anxiety attack has some sort of trigger, whereas a panic attack does not.

I'm not a nutritionist, but from what you describe, I think you had an anxiety attack from being in the presence of a child being hurt. I would too!

This is not a criticism of you for going, or your friends for having a circumcision ceremony, but I just wanted to tell you that MANY people have gut-level negative physical reactions in the presence of a circumcision. This is why many Jewish people are choosing not to do it anymore, amongst other reasons.

Vadim said...

Thank you guys for you wonderful inputs. It truly makes a difference to have support.