Ok, this post will be short. I am out of control binge sugarholic! At times it gets so bad that while I am cheating all senses get disconnected. Last night I binged, and I binged and I binged! It was ugly, it was inhumane, it was not necessary and it was freaking baaaaaaaaad! I am getting angry at myself now! I am out of control and seem to be content with it. It alsmost feels like I really dont care. I am winding myself up as I am writing it. I need to get angry, I need to get motivated. I am slowly killing myself! Why is it that I get inspired and motivated to do anything for others that I love and cant do it for me? Why dont I love myself? Why, why, why? There are so many qualities that I like about myself. I really do. Yet, I dont love me! I ate like a pregnant cranky woman. I ate a half cheesecake, two ice cream bars and then I puked. I am getting angry. I am getting fed up! This is not manly! I am a an addict, a food junkie, and a food coward! Where is my manhood, my pride, my dignity? Enouph is enouph! I am getting angry! I will kill that stupid twin in me that has been pissing me off for so long. I am taking today off nutritionally. I need a bit of a break. But I will concur this war! I will kill my demons! I know it! I am getting angry! So many excuses, so little action! I am carnking my ager up! Get angry, Vadim! Stop the madness, stop the madness! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I cant substitute junk for my emotional voids! I am getting angry! I need to get angry! I must get angry! I need to man up! I feel like a castrated boy! I lost my balls! I need my balls back! I was a man once! I will become a man again! No excuses, no whinings, no more! Until we meet again!