I HEREY DECLARE MY INDEPENDENCE FROM GOOD OPINIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE! I found something ironic the other day. Ok, that was my lowest moment yet. Why was it the lowest? Figure this: A fat guy feeling sorry for himself, and his life eating poundcake sandwitch! Wanna know what a poundcake sandwitch is? Are you sure you want to know? Ok, I have given you a fair warning, so for those of you with easily excitable nervous system, poor sense of humor and short temper please skip the next few sentences. Poundcake sandwitch is cheesecake spread on two pieces of poundcake! iT WAS PRETTY LOW! But it was absolutely necessarily for me to fall that low to have a lightning strike me right in my soul. I got it! I got it! I got it! The reason I fell that low was because I failed to be me and instead wanted to be someone else. I cheated my nature, I cheated my Creator! I was listening to my EGO instead. And you know what esle I realized, EGO is very hard to feed. And when it wants emptyit wants to be fed. At times it is material things, but at times it is food! Nothing feeds EGO better than sweets! MY EGO LOVES SWEETS! The result of feeding my EGO for the last few month is pretty dramamtic! I gained about 30 pounds, ended up in ER and lost all my senses. But instead of fighting and yelling and experimenting, I decided to take a break and just be quite, at least for a moment. Relaxing is the hardest thing for me to do. But that was I needed! And I had revelations, few of them. So these are my revelations:
Nothing good comes out of feeding EGO
Nothing good comes out of place of Hate
Nothing good comes out of good opinions of other people unless you are on the same page with those opinions
Nothing good comes out working against your nature and trying to change it!
Nothing good comes out looking at things without seing dual nature of everything!
God, Mother Nature ans Spirit all have duality built in them! If we cant see it, we are bound for failures!
Man needs woman, night needs day, good needs eveil, ugly needs beautiful and so on! How would anyone be able to know whats beutigul if you didnt know ugly? We people tend to think we know more than our Creator! Ok, that was my moment to dive my soul into my faults!
Here is what I have been doing for the past few days!
I decided to find Love within me instead of looking for it so hard outside! If I cant find it within, I will never find it without! I have been eating low carb food without counting, worrying or weighting! I decided to at least give my body and my metabolism an easy time to adjust! So for the next two weeks I will eat liberally but it will be low carb foods. I am sure it wont be optimal according to many others, but it will be what I did 8 months ago and was successful at it. I will be eating a variety of choices, including: Lots of cottage cheese( LOVE DAIRIES), eggs, fish, vegetables, frozen berries, avocado, shirataki noodles, cocoa, whey protein, low carb milk, buttermilk, nuts, seeds, and yes some artificial sugars as Trivia. I will eat occasional low carb cheesecake!
My weight today is 245 pounds! Highest in 4 years!
In the end I would like to tell a joke! Sadekat, this one is for you! I hope you can get to this point of reading, lol!
Here is a joke! Two best friends who have known each other since early childhood got married on the same day! Next morning they meet at the club and one asks another " How was your first night with your wife? The other friend sais': It was the most embarrasing moment of my life, so bad I wont ever tell anyone. Come on, tell me, I am your best friend. We have been throuhg so much together! We went to same school, same University, even slept with the same girls. How can you not share it with me? Ok, sais the other guy, I will tell you. You know how we used to go to a lot of escort girls with you? Yes, so when I slept with my wife I accidently threw her $100 bill. Habits die hard! The other guy looks at him and he sais" My friend, your story is very educatinal, but at least you can savage your marriage! What happened to me is much sadder. What can possibly be sadder? I, like you, my friend, used to use escort girls and I, like you, my friend have those stupid habits of paying for sex. So when I slept with my wife for the first time, I too threw het $100 bill! And you knwo what she did? She threw me $50 dollars back! Sadekat, everything is relative! Your one day slip is nothing compared to my recent debacle. So next time you feel like a failure, remember you are not! You are a human, a nice one I might add who is learning to be herself and doing her best to find a road to healthy and happy life. And you will find it. Crying, falling, screaming, are all human emotions and without them you would never be who you are today! Ok, until we meet again, God Bless you guys and thank you for supporting me!