Hi all! I cant begin to thank you guys enouph for all your support! It trully means a lot. I havent been hiding, just that a place I was at had no room for others! It was a dark place, a place of selfindulgence, self-subotage and self-destruction. I could share that place with you, but why would anyone want to be there, even through my mind? I always love to share success stories, but rather be alone in failures. I am not one of those people that like to spread or share misery. I knows misery loves company, but I try to men up and deal with it myself. MIsery is like a virus, i wouldnt want you guys to catch it from me. I have continued to read your blogs, I am aware of whats going on in your lives, and if i havent commented, doesnt mean I am not there in spirit!
Ok, update! I did totally slipped and went back to eating carb loaded junk for a long while now, gaining 20 pounds doing so. But those who do not fall, do not rise! I trully believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully that tunnel is not that long, and the light is on its way! I am still confused at how to combat carb devils. I have tried different ways to no avail. As one wise man said those hwo fail to plan becomes Vadims of the world! So if anything I want you guys to learn from me, do not fail to plan!!!!
I have been eating myself to sickness lately. Ice creams, candies, cookies and other junk become my staple of foods that seemed to cover up the holes in my soul or voids as some might call them. There is no way I would even describe the amount of I ate, it seemed humanly impossible. It was so powerful, I even lost track of days or calories or carbs. Until this past Saturday I had a trully devine experience. I have become so angry at myself that I needed intervention. I was angry at myself, i couldnt undestand why all that I seem to love is so not good for me, and all that I dont seem to care are my best friends! I have always loved ice cream, cookies and abnoxious women. None were good for me! I have never been attracted to meat, fat or nice girls, and those are the ones that love me the most! I kept getting angry and in the midst of my anger, I was angry at God! I am not a religious person, but a very spiritual one! I believe in Cosmic Intelligence! I do believe in no accidents! Creation, God, Creator are all interchangable words, I think God doesnt care about the name, as long as you follow the right consciousness instead of your own ego! EGO stands for edging God out! I was angry at God and kept asking for some clues.I said, where are you God when I need you the most? But like wise men before us have said that if only knew who walked besides us at all times, we would never have fear again! But I felt fear! I was fearful about my lack of control! I sat in my brand new car contemplating, analizing and getting nowhere! Then I decided to drive to Barnes and Nobels to read a good book just to ease my mind! Few months back a frined of mine who had a much roupher life that I ever did gave me an audio CD of Deeprak Chopra and asked me to at least open my mind to listen to it! I was a bit reluctant and stacked it away at the side of front door pannel of my car. That day it fell out of the panel and fell right in front of my feets. Was it coincidence that a das I asked for clues, clues kept coming in bulks! I had no choice but listen. And there it was, a lot of answers! I will not go into intricate details of my spiritual jouney, it would take forever, but I will only tell you it was majical. I might share it some other time! I am still not lowcarbing, but I am eating less and less junk. God willing I should be back in full gear and at full siwng tomorrow! Thank you so much again for being there! i trully appreciate it!