Thursday, February 5, 2009

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."

Hi all! I cant begin to thank you guys enouph for all your support! It trully means a lot. I havent been hiding, just that a place I was at had no room for others! It was a dark place, a place of selfindulgence, self-subotage and self-destruction. I could share that place with you, but why would anyone want to be there, even through my mind? I always love to share success stories, but rather be alone in failures. I am not one of those people that like to spread or share misery. I knows misery loves company, but I try to men up and deal with it myself. MIsery is like a virus, i wouldnt want you guys to catch it from me. I have continued to read your blogs, I am aware of whats going on in your lives, and if i havent commented, doesnt mean I am not there in spirit!

Ok, update! I did totally slipped and went back to eating carb loaded junk for a long while now, gaining 20 pounds doing so. But those who do not fall, do not rise! I trully believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully that tunnel is not that long, and the light is on its way! I am still confused at how to combat carb devils. I have tried different ways to no avail. As one wise man said those hwo fail to plan becomes Vadims of the world! So if anything I want you guys to learn from me, do not fail to plan!!!!

I have been eating myself to sickness lately. Ice creams, candies, cookies and other junk become my staple of foods that seemed to cover up the holes in my soul or voids as some might call them. There is no way I would even describe the amount of I ate, it seemed humanly impossible. It was so powerful, I even lost track of days or calories or carbs. Until this past Saturday I had a trully devine experience. I have become so angry at myself that I needed intervention. I was angry at myself, i couldnt undestand why all that I seem to love is so not good for me, and all that I dont seem to care are my best friends! I have always loved ice cream, cookies and abnoxious women. None were good for me! I have never been attracted to meat, fat or nice girls, and those are the ones that love me the most! I kept getting angry and in the midst of my anger, I was angry at God! I am not a religious person, but a very spiritual one! I believe in Cosmic Intelligence! I do believe in no accidents! Creation, God, Creator are all interchangable words, I think God doesnt care about the name, as long as you follow the right consciousness instead of your own ego! EGO stands for edging God out! I was angry at God and kept asking for some clues.I said, where are you God when I need you the most? But like wise men before us have said that if only knew who walked besides us at all times, we would never have fear again! But I felt fear! I was fearful about my lack of control! I sat in my brand new car contemplating, analizing and getting nowhere! Then I decided to drive to Barnes and Nobels to read a good book just to ease my mind! Few months back a frined of mine who had a much roupher life that I ever did gave me an audio CD of Deeprak Chopra and asked me to at least open my mind to listen to it! I was a bit reluctant and stacked it away at the side of front door pannel of my car. That day it fell out of the panel and fell right in front of my feets. Was it coincidence that a das I asked for clues, clues kept coming in bulks! I had no choice but listen. And there it was, a lot of answers! I will not go into intricate details of my spiritual jouney, it would take forever, but I will only tell you it was majical. I might share it some other time! I am still not lowcarbing, but I am eating less and less junk. God willing I should be back in full gear and at full siwng tomorrow! Thank you so much again for being there! i trully appreciate it!



13 comments:

Harry said...

Nice to hear from you, Vadim. :)

I'll hope for all the best as you embark on your spiritual journey.

We'll be rooting for you!

Sadekat said...

I'm here to cheer you on. If you need anything, email me.

NewVision said...

Hey Vadim,
So glad to see you posting. Even if it's not a menu right now. At least your posting. That alone is a step in the right direction. :)

I don't believe in accidents either. I believe that everything in your life is there for a reason, to teach you SOMETHING. Even if you don't know what that is right now, maybe someday you will. Maybe you will never know. Everything happens for a reason. Even the tough time your going thru right now, is for you to learn something from it.

Hang in there, remember we are here for you.

Harry said...

Mr. V,

Sybil shared this wonderful article on her blog. Please check it out, it may be of use/import.

http://www.proteinpower.com/drmike/statins/meditating-in-the-garden-of-self-loathing/#more-2467

Vadim said...

Thanks Harry, I read it. I read Mike's blog all the time. I have no choice, lol. Dr Feinman started to work out at my place of work and now I see him on weekly basis. Dr Feinman is a friend of Mike and they often share topics for postings. Dr Feinman is an editer of Metabolism and Nutrition today, which is pretty good journal for low carb readers. He is crazy about low carb and is known as that crazy carb guy on campus!

Anonymous said...

Dude

The only way you are going to break the carb addiction cycle is dropping them all together.That's right Meat and Water.

Vadim said...

Anonymous I do appreciate your advice but if it was only that easy! Its like saying to a cocazine addict that the only way you can break out of your habit is to stop snorting cocaine all together! Great, he would have never known! It reminds me of my sarcastic ass friend. Every time he sees a car that is banged up , he pulls next to it at the red light and asks the driver '' Have you seen what happened to your side of the car, its really banged up!

Didirina said...

Hi Vadim,

Have you tried any supplements to help you with your carb cravings? I've had success with chromium, magnesium malate, and 5-HTP.

You must take good care of yourself so when Ms. Right comes along, you'll be strong enough to enjoy it!!

Vadim said...

Didrina, thank you so much for your advice. I havent tried 5-HTP. And you are so right about taking care of myslef part. I need to find that inner strenght that I know I have. Anyway thanks again for stopping by, truly feels good to have people that are caring. And I was on my way to the Vitamin shoppe to get supplememts too!

Didirina said...

Hi Vadim,

Me again. You are so good at writing down your feelings. I would like you to write a letter of advice to yourself, as if you were writing to your best friend. What would you tell HIM if he were in your shoes and struggling with cravings and emotional voids? Ask him what his goals are and write down his answers. And what would be your response? Would you tell him to "man up" or to "get some balls"? I don't know, maybe you would (LOL), but I don't think so. Write down a list of foods that you love or crave, especially high-carb ones, and then try to find suitable replacement foods so you don't feel deprived (sugar-free hot cocoa, maybe, or low carb chocolate pudding (in moderate quantities). I personally don't believe that extremes or deprivation suit your temperament. And you really can't kill the evil twin inside of you; you must appease him, bring him over to your side:-) In any event, be KIND to yourself and your body will reward you!

Vadim said...

Didrina, i would tell my friend to man up or get some balls, lol! I have recently been feeling on edge with anger bouts, anxiety and unstopped hunger for carbs,. my doctor thinks I have whats known as idiopathic reactive hypoglycemia! i am working on it , hopefully will be able to figure it all out! Thanks for buzzing in!

Harry said...

That's an interesting diagnosis, Vadim. What's the proposed remedy?

I'm happy that you went to see a doctor. That's a sign of caring for oneself. :)

A step in the right direction. Keep steppin'!

NewVision said...

Hey Vadim,
Just checking on ya...
Hope all is well.
What are the doctors saying. Care to share?

Anyway, just missing ya.
(((HUGS)))
~Jo