I feel like a giant today! NY Giant that is, beat up and not loved!

I dont like those days when sleep deprivationbecomes life deprivation! Today was one of those days. Lately, I havent felt right at all. I dont know whats ailing me? Is it stress? May be! Is it some kind of anxiety disorder? Possibly! Is it fibromyalgia? Ok, why not? Is it IBS? Who is to say? Is it lack of meaningful relationship and therefore lack of meaningful sexual life? lol, ok, may be not this one! So what in the world of Vadim's universe is it???????? Once my spiritual teacher told me that the most expensive things in life are mistakes? I couldnt get it then, I was too young, too cocky and too naive. I get it now. May be years of smoking and careless living was a mistake? You say! Aha, dude, you are a genius! I think it is my body telling me something but I cant pick it up and neither can doctors! But it could be a good thing. At times an absense of news is a good news. So may be, just may be iits a good thing that doctors dont know. But it bothers me to feel this way for a long time now and have no answers. But i am not giving up!!!!! Or no, too stubborn for that. So forward we march again! As far as my diet is comncerned, I have been somewhat of a good boy, suprisingly! I have been low carb except few occasions when I ate a bit of watermelong, but thats all. What I started enjoying a lot lately is my nightly ice cream! Yes, you heard me right, ice cream! I love ice cream, love it, love it, love it! But it is homemade low carb one. I make it out of protein shake and freeze it. Two hours beofre I get home my mom takes out of the freezer and when I hit home at around 1 am its semi-melted. I put chopped walnuts on it, some berries and whalooo, awesome! I think its just as awesome as having sex by myself! Oh, did I just say that? Ok, its awesome! I mix it with MRM strawbery-banana whey with half a can of cocnut milk and frozen strawberries plus a bit of heavy cream and stevia! It is goooooooood! And it has become my nightly treat. I actually look forward to it every day, havent yet gotten tired of it. As far as other things in my life, not much news which again could be a blessing! My Mom is still very weak and suffering a lot. But as long as God gives her strenght to go on, we will beat this thing called cancer. Its stubborn but so are we. Ok, thats about it in a nutshell!


One last thing, for anyone who wants to know what today felt like symtoms wise and otherwise here it is:

5 hours of sleep


pin and needle pain all over my extremeties
bloated stomach
IBS kind of symptoms which went away with poop
fatigue
tachycardia



I will start blogging about my diet soon! thanks for reading!