To be or not to be, that is the question of the day!

I am officially diagnosing myself as a certified, bonified stubborn and unstable screw! Its not all in order in the main lobby of my house. It seither that or I am going through a premature mid-life crisis! But then again whats normal, is there such a thing? I once saw a program on public TV called ''magnificent mind" and the host said that there is no normal as far as our brains are concerned and its all relative and a matter of balanced brain. So now I know my brain is certainly not balanced! There is a town in Minnesota called Normal. So the host informed the audience that thats where Normal people live. And I loved his joke when he said that it was for the first time when he really met and talked to Normal women. that was funny! Ok, so why do I feel the way I do? Ok, for many reasons. For one I keep saying one thing and do another. But that would be least of my troubles. I keep insanely making same moves expecting different results! And that is my friends a definition of.... welll you know the rest of the statement. I went back to normal low carb living after experiencing all those dreadful symptoms being on protein shakes for a 10 days. And being back on low carb with no clear boundaries and elevated level of stress invited chaos. Chaos as far as calories are concerned. i kept eating and eating and eating. Especially at night, and my hunger was at all times high. And boom 5 pounds gained in a week. So now I am back to sqaure one. But at least my symptoms went away and I did feel much better. So it was something in those shakes that completely disagreed with my digestive track. But it made me loose weight quick and it kept me in check as far as hunger and boundaries! So driving back home I was contemplating on going back on protein shakes for at least two weeks and complete the damn 14 days without stopping at 10. Even though i did give it my best and accoomplished a lot in those 10 days, i still didnt finish it. I did have an excuse though. i felt horrible being on that plan. But still in my inflamed mind i wanted to go back and do it one more time, last time 14 days uniterrupted. But what about those nagging, debilitating symptoms said i in my head? oh well it might be different this tiem around. May be i will add magnesium and it will go away I kept justifying, or may be I will use eggwhite instead of whey, or may be just may be i will meditate and see if it was my anxiety triggered my some weak gastric reactions. But THEN it HIT me! I thought of my friend HARRY! it has almost been a year since I started blogging. it is scary to think it passed so fast. And it was almost a year ago that I, Harry, sadekat and few others accepted a challenge of creating a meny blog. Much happened sinc last year for me and i am sure for others. Some good news some bad, some horrible, but hey thats life. My Mom had fallend ill to the cancer that came back after 1o years and it did so with a vengence to a tune of much distress for the whole family especially me. It hit me especially hard. My mother has always been my security blanket and my best friend. She is truly an amazing woman, a one of a kind and to see her suffering being weak and hopeless totally crushed me on many levels. I know its life and i kept saying all the right things in my head but it still didnt make it any better. And the fact that all my relationships were fruitless and i am still single when all my siblings are married with kids. It made me insecure, fearful and fragile, more so than ever. there were days when i cried even though I didnt feel like it. i guess it was so much stress in my body that tears just kept rolling down. I have always thought of myself as a fighter until this year. it only proves that any human no matter how strong we think we are need help at times. Oh, wow did i drift away from my diet plan!!!I guess words are just jumping out and it is kind of brain storm. I didnt mean to make it that way in the beginning. But thats what beautiful about blogging. You can get carried away without people judging you or calling you name. Ok, i feel better now. so back to Harry. Harry, if you are reading this post and got this far, i want to know that you are my role model of the low carb world! I never liked to put people on the pedestal or use role models but you are an exception! in the last year you have been an epitomy of stability and balance. I have never met you personally but as far as your diet is concerned it is an example to follow. You have never waivered to fast phases never attempted silly only shakes diet. All you did was being consistent and eat wholesome low carb food to satisfaction and for that my friend I nominate you as a CHAMP! You should be a true leader of the low carb world! If it was up to me you would be heard and watched and followed. You have never criticised, never judged, never stooped to a level of unconstructive criticism. You simply led by example! And that is my friend a leader of the highest order. There are many low carb celebrities in the community. And i am grateful to all of them but i hope against all hope that one day you will pick up a torch and get a much wider audience! So for the next year or so this is going to be my challenge: Stop the insanity and follow an example of one man out there who did it in a way that all of us should have doen all along and that is natural, low carb wholesome food! But for now i will still do it my way, lol, even if it means insanity! So i am amrching forward with another attempt to concur 2 weeks of protein shakes and one meal! i will give it one more green light before I officially throw in a towel. But if i fail all i have to look forward to is the light at the end of the tunnel where my friend Harry will be waiting with a lid torch! i am not going to spell check this post and leave iit as is, becuase where it came from needs no correction! if you made this far you are either insane or a true caring person! thank you for reading, that is still reading, lol after all my failures!