Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I changed a light bulb and managed to still have an ability to have children or how I found out a way to have a cellular orgasm!

Ok, ok that post might be a bit too confusing! Follow me along and you will find out!
Last time I changed a light bulb was long, long, long time ago. It was so long time ago that I did still have full head of hair, full head of grey matter and was still full of myself! But it was kind of traumatic. I dont know how, I dont know why, but I managed to get electrecuted. Since that, no more changing bulbs today. Until today! Today I needed to change a light bulb! Long and behold I did! It was a majical moment. I needed that, it raised my spirit to another level. I work for state university in NYC. For those who have been so fortunate to have never worked for one, let me tell you it sucks donkey's behind and front big time! I called control room and asked them to change a light bulb! I was told that only electricians do that, and they only do that from 9 am to 4 pm. After 4 pm, you are on your own. So I was on my own! I said to myself, man, VAdim you can do it. Whats the big deal, its a light bulb! So I got up on a ladder, unscrewed the old light bulb, and was ready to screw a new one back in. The only problem with a whole chain of above mentioned events was that I forgot to turn off the switch, so the electricity was still running through the wires. It was a boiler room, and light bulbs always stay on in boiler room! So as I was screwing the light bulb back in expecting no majic, the majia happened. Unfortunately too soon and way too unexpected. The light bulb went on and I went..... down from the ladder! As I was laying on a ground I started lauphing hysterically! A coworker of mine heard me lauphing or fallen from the ladder, and rushed into the room to see what had happened. Imagine his surprise to see me on the floor lauphing hysterically next to a fallen ladder under the fully lid bulb! He said '' why are you lauphing? Are you hurt? Exactly in that sequence. I said and dont know why '' I am just happy I will still be able to have children because next time I need to change a ladder it is going to be my son who will do it! When I hit home I was still quite happy that everyhting turned out innocenlty except a little scratch on my forehead. I wanted to celebrate my ordeal and for some reasons grabbed a glass of wine. I drank a glass of wine and wanted soemthing sweet. I took out a cartoon of almond milk, poured a glass and transferred it to the bowl. Then I mixed in some frozen blueberries, blackberries, wine and almonds. I kept stirring it in until I got quite a thick mixture. It was heavenly! But it was missing something else! I went back got a tablespoon of organic cocoa and few stevia packets and went back to wathc my favorite russuian movie. As I was watching it eating my mixture of heavenly delicious fruits, almond milk and cocoa I felt such a nice warm feeling all over my body. It was a cellular orgasm! I felt like every sngle cell of my body was individually massaged and tickled by Love! It was an emotinal orgasm, or a cellular orgasm as I framed it. so the moral of this story is that at times we need a light bulb to go on to feel happy. And let me telly you first hand that it is much better seen when you are down then when you are up! Cheers!



2 pm-
1 scoop of Chcolite whey protein=calories 120; protein= 22; carbs=0
8 0z of almond milk= 50 calories= crb = 1 gram
1 tablespoon of fish oil= 110 calories
1/3 cup blueberries= 40 calories= carbs= 5 grams


4 pm-
1.5 buffalo burger= 450 calories; protein= 70 grams; carbs=0
8 oz eggplant paste= 100 calories; carbs= 10 grams



6 pm-
1 scoop of Chcolite whey protein=calories 120; protein= 22; carbs=0
8 0z of almond milk= 50 calories= crb = 1 gram
1 tablespoon of organic cocoa= 40 calories; carbs- 2 grams


8 pm-\
1 scoop of Chcolite whey protein=calories 120; protein= 22; carbs=0
8 0z of almond milk= 50 calories= crb = 1 gram
1 tablespoon of organic cocoa= 40 calories; carbs- 2 grams
1 OZ ALMONDS=170 CALOIRES



10 pm-
1 scoop of Chcolite whey protein=calories 120; protein= 22; carbs=0
8 0z of almond milk= 50 calories= crb = 1 gram
1 tablespoon of organic cocoa= 40 calories; carbs- 2 grams

1 am-
1.5 cups cottage cheese= 250 caslories; protein=15 grams; carbs= 7 grams
8 oz almond milk= 40 calories
1 tablespoon organic cocoa= 40 CAL
1/3 CUP OF BLUEBERRIES= 50 CALORIES
3 OZ SUNFLOWER SEEDS= 500 CALORIES' CARBS= 10 GRAMS
4 OZ WINE= 100 CALORIES; CARBS= 4 GRAMS
1 OZ ALMONDS= 170 CALORIES

TOTAL= 2775 CALORIES
TOTAL CARBS= 68

6 comments:

Erika said...

Hi Vadim,

You've maxxed out your cals for the day but I'm wondering if you're getting enough nutrients and, most importantly, you're not going hungry.

Feeling ok?

Oh and I'll take a go at that confusing post tomorrow morning hehehe I need sleep! Night!

Vadim said...

1972Ok. Erika I seem to be fine calorie wise until I come home at night. But I am about to take a day off today and will start fresh again tomorrow morning. I am doing ok now, but still havent managed to get this 5 shakes plus whole meal plan by the balls! I really want to get it over with. I cant stand to not being able to get through it!

Harry said...

Congrats on overcoming your inner lightbulb, Vadim! :)

I thought your menu looked pretty solid. The late-night eating is still a bit lopsided. But, other than that, I think you're heading in the right direction.

Keep fighting the good fight! I'm enjoying reading your daily adventures and misadventures!

Sadekat said...

Vaddy, I'd love to flip your lid and see what makes that brain of yours tick! You are very creative with language! Makes me grin everyday

Vadim said...

Sadekat I dont even want to go deep into my own brain. I dont think its that pretty.

NewVision said...

Vadim Vs. The light bulb
LOL
I'm glad you won my friend.
Sounds like you had a moment all your own.