Thursday, December 11, 2008

Opportunity! You''ll always Miss 100 % of shots you don"t take! I took another shot at my plan and almost made it but it did come a bit short!

I took anohter shot at a plan of mine that looks so freaking feasible a day before! Not a day after though! Have you ever had a feeling of such an enormous emotional orgasm when you feel you are ready to go on a diet and grab it by its balls? Especially after holidays binge, sounds familiar. You feel so guilty about putting a piece of that pie or a bite of that carby loaded crap. Then you debate in your head,contemplating it. You have at least two people debating, one saying what a hell, just go for it and start new tomorrow. The other sais no way, you worked so damn hard to get at this point. Finally the human side of you wins and you go for it! And are fucked, pardon my Russian. You fell right into that proverbial diet trap! How many of us been there before. And then one samll piece become one big piece which eventually becomes an all out sprint to a binge paradize! Or as we say where I come from " If you burnt the house might as well as burn the garage as well'' So a small piece becomes a party of gluttony and self-let-go. Then self-pity and low self esteem gets in on the party. Have you noticed how self-pity and low self esteem always come together even though noone ever invites them! Soon after party gets more crowded. Guilt, shame, depression and other cousins of emotional demon family show up just in time when you are ready to throw up from that initial piece of cake that was supposed to be a buffer between a craving and self-control. Moments later it is time for deep analysis! What had just trinspired, you say with ghlee? How did that just happen? But no despair, you have got it under control! And at that very moment your best friend shows up to console it. His friend is Tomorrow or Monday or New Year! Yes, he is here! I will start all new tomorrow! It feels so good saying it when your stomack is still full of undigested fecal matter that started so innocently by eating just that small piece of cake. Tomorrow I will grab it by the balls! Thanks God for tommorow! Opprotunities of Tomorrow is a chance of correcting lots of undigestable fecal matter of yesterday! Or as I would say, Monday is an oppurtunity to get rid of all the shit that you gathered over the weekend! Thanks God for Tommorrows! So without further a due, I hereby declare that tomorrow is just around the corner and I am welcoming it yet again with love and devotion! Today I didnt quite eat that much undigested fecal matter but Tomorrow I am going to have none of the excuses of today! I have had it ladies and one gentleman! No more drek! No more undigested fecal matter, no more burning houses or garages! No more! I am getting this plan into my strong hands and will grab it by the balls! And tight I will hold it! Until I get it done! So until we meet again!

12 pm-
1.5 cup of cottage cheese= 250 calories= 8 carbs
1 glass of almond milk= 40 calories= 2 grams carbs
2 tablesppon of flax seed= 100 calories
1 cup of blueberries=90 caloires=carbs 12 grams

4 pm-
6 oz of sugar -free chocolate= 600 calories

8 pm-
6 oz of grilled chicken = 300 calories
1/2 cup of grilled zuccini= 90 calories

12 pm-
1 glass of almond milk- 40 calories
1/2 cup of blackberries=100 calories= 15 grams carbs
2 tablespoon sour cream= 100 calories-
1 packet of truvia



pooti said...

mole4me2Man Vadim, I wish I could be supportive of your diet but it's like reading "Groundhog Day" every day!

Why are you doing this? What point does it serve, hon? Why not just move on to a more realistic approach for you?

Your daily binges probalby have little to do with lack of will power and much to do with you setting yourself up for failure. You need real meat, real fat and real veggies if you want or like them!

Come on, you CAN do this!!! But seriously! Look at this: you work 2 jobs, you work out almost daily or daily? and you are trying to force your body into accepting 5 protein drinks and only 1 meal a day!

Your body deserves better, dude and I know you can do it once you get past the blood sugar roller coaster it's on right now that's causing the bingeing!

Hang in there!

Harry said...

I think pooti may have a point, Vadim.

It's not a question of not having faith in you.

I believe you can overcome this challenge. I really do.

But, I wonder if your body and mind are trying to give you a signal. Not a "failure" signal but a "you're not giving us the right challenge" signal.

Here's one possible suggestion to take or leave:

Try your original 5 & 1 challenge again. And, if need be, again after that. But, set a limit to the number of changes you'll get.

If, after a number of tries, you still don't stick to it ... move on. Start something different that you believe you'll be more likely to stick with.

You've got my support no matter what. I just don't want you to get stuck on a particular path to success if it isn't working for you.

I suggest setting boundaries for yourself. I think we all need objective goals. We must succeed or fail or something in between. But we all need to face facts, one way or another. And if the facts tell us something different than what we'd hoped ... then we should adapt.

Take Jimmy for instance. He fought long and hard against withholding sweets from his diet. Now he's learned something new. But only after having tested his beliefs.

I think you need to do the same. Try, try again but not indefinitely.

I say this only out of care and concern. I hope it comes across that way. :)

Vadim said...

Harry, I dont know where to begin. You care and sincerity resonates through me. I so appreciate your support and I know you get me better then many people. Pooti you are 100 % right, this plan might not be the best path for me, and I am not doing it for anything else other then psychologicsal reasons. Its not a bad plan, and the reason I keep failing is purely psychological, I know it! Harry, bro, I hear you and I agree you with you all the way! This is my very last try to get this plan under way and over with. No more no less. Very last try. Few years back, my Mom who I love and respect so much had a very dangerous surgery for cancer removal and it involved throat. Lots of doctors refused to operate on her. But finally she found a surgeon who was willing to do it. I went through hell waiting and waiting and waiting for surgery to be ove. It was supposed to be 2 hours max and it was more than 4 and still no answer. I am not a very religious person at all, but I closed my eyes and prayed God to keep my Mom with me. She suffered through so much pain in her life, this was her second cancer! I asked God for forgiveness and swore that if He leaves her here on earht for more years to come I will finally lose my weight that I so desperately tried to do for many years. I dont know why and how my weight became a sin I was willing to confess to God. But thats what I promised. And my Mom did make it ok, but I never delivered that promise to God! I didnt tell that story to anyone and since I started I will do a post on it seperately. So this is more than diet or challenge or anything else. This very personal and dear to my heart! I just felt like I needed to explain to you guys why I am so reluctant to give it up! It s just giving up this plan will remind me about my other failures in life and will hunt me subcnsiouslu, I am that screwed up, i guess. I really, really want to go through it.

pooti said...

Vadim, thanks for sharing that story of your mom!

The psychological part of this is (in my opinion) the toughest part of all. But what I think you are missing is that I think your failure with the liquid diet has very little to do with your mind. I think it has everything to do with metabolism.

Vadim, I am a recovering bulemic/be. It was a horrible time (and has been multiple horrible times in my life). I often felt powerless to control the obsession in my head, to eat. And eat. And eat. And eat. The only control I've ever had over this disease is low carb. Once I truly started low carbing, I started gaining control over my foods and I have lost weight. It's just that this is a process and the total goal is still a work in progress.

I know this can happen for you if you get on a really good low carb plan that is low enough carb for you to feel satiety. As active as you are, you need real meat proteins and fats! And a few veggies here or there if ya want them. Although right now, I'm really looking at vlc then on to zc to see how that works.

I just encourage you to take the bigger decision and decide that particular plan isn't for you and you need to change it to something more practical. You can do it, dude! You owe it to yourself and to your mom to try!

Vadim said...

pooti, I really appreciate your story as well. You do care and it shows a lot. I agree with you on most points. But its not totally liguid protein diet. And I do have healthy fat in there. I make my shakes with coconut milk which has more then enouph fat. I think at this point is purely psychological. I am not hungry on this diet for most of the day when I stay busy and I do have lots of shakes with coconut milk in it like I said and organic cocoa. I also put few berries in there. Its just when I come home late at night that I start eating out of plan. But you are 100 percent right, i wont give it many more chances. If I dont do it until december is over, thats it. I have been low crabing for a while though. In any case your comments are greatly appreciated!

Jimmy Moore said...

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I encourage you to keep this in mind, Vadim, when you continue down your current path. Do what's right for you, but be prudent about it. We're all pulling for you, buddy!

Erika said...

Hi Vadim,

You do realise no-one is saying to GIVE UP in general. Right? It's about giving up THIS PLAN that's the issue. I tried B4l a month or so ago but all the bars/shakes and specific meal times just made the whole thing unnatural so that's why I couldn't stick to it. It didn't work with my body's laid-back nature.

What other plans have you tried? What other plans have you thought about but decided not to try for one reason or another?


Solshine said...

Vadim, you know we're all pulling for you and support whatever decision you make but why this plan? Why do you continue to try something that is not fulfilling your psychological needs as well as your physical needs?

You might be more satisfied with a plan that allows you to eat whole foods instead of relying on the shakes. I never could stick with a shake diet because I like variety and I like to chew. Something in the chewing process satisfies me in a way mentally that drinking and being through with a meal in five minutes never could.

Your promise was to lose weight, not to lose it by depriving yourself or being miserable in the meantime. :) Look at Oprah. She lost all that weight on a liquid diet and gained it all right back. Why not pick something that will allow you to lose weight but also establish a permanent lifestyle of healthy eating?

Vadim said...

Erika, solshine you guys are absolutely right! I am just stubbborn and have touph time admitting defeat, whatever nature it is. I am way too competitive at tiems and hence stubborn. But I do realize I failed on this plan, and reason is not even an issue any more. So I will give it a very last final green light and if it doesnt work out starting today , I will go back to my regular, wholesome low carb meals!